Temper, temper....

So I have to explain a few things before I explain a few other things before I get to the meat of this blog so sit down and make yourself comfortable...

Every sport has its own oddities about it. Not just in playing but in watching. Baseball has its statisticians who keep track of not only the score but how many at bats and swings and times people spit. Different teams have different traditions and songs they sing. And there are things that you just don't know unless you are a fan and go to games. One of those things in hockey is that you don't stand up. Unless a goal was just scored or a fight is happening or there is a stoppage in play for something else you keep your butt in the seats.

Depending on the configuration of the stands in some barns you don't even lean forward in your seat. The reasoning is pretty simple, if you are standing up in front of me, ever if you are a few rows in front of me, you are blocking a section of the ice. Hockey is a fast game and if you can't watch it all happening you are going to miss something. Hockey fans take this pretty seriously. If you bring someone new to a game you need to tell them, yes, it's exciting, yes you are going to want to get up and shout, but then you must sit right back down.

Here in Portland during the Timbers' off season the Timbers Army will buy a block of tickets and come to the game. Now soccer is completely different. Especially for the Timbers Army.  They stand the whole game. They wave flags. They chant. They sing. They have choreography. And when they come to a Winterhawks' game they have their own section above everyone else where they can stand and chant and wave their flags and have a good time without making the hockey fans crazy. Because there are certain hockey fans that will go absolutely crazy if you don't sit down.

So last night at the game there were these two guys about 5 rows in front of us who were new to the game. You get that a lot during the playoffs.  It's fun to watch a team on the march to victory without having to slog through the whole season with them. And as is the case quite often, going to game for them also meant drinking a ton of beer. So they were having a great time, more than a little drunk, and completely unaware of how much they were starting to tick off the people behind them. And then once they were aware they were drunk enough to get belligerent about it. "I'll stand if I want..." Well so the fans that go crazy? Yeah...not a good idea....

What started as a simple, "Sit down." became a more pronounced "SIT DOWN!" then on to a tossing of candy at the back of one of their heads with a "SIT DOWN NOW!" and it went from there. Then it was a guy in front of us launching an empty candy box at the guy a few rows down screaming "SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" Then it got intense...

So the candy box hit the drunk guy and another guy four seats over starts screaming about assault and that he's going to call the police. Seriously, dude? Assault? And who are you again? And why are you now standing up and screaming when there are still four minutes to play? So then the guy in front of us and the guy who is going to call the police and the two original drunk guys are all going at it. And the guy in front of us starts to strip.  Off comes the watch, the wallet and phone get handed over, the necklace is removed, the sweater he was wearing over his t-shirt comes off and his girlfriend is taking everything and putting it in her bag.  This tells me a couple of things, this is not his first rodeo. And this is not his first rodeo with her by his side.

Of course security came over right about then and people settled down a bit and the guy threatening to call the cops was escorted out.  Which you know left him thinking, "WHAT THE HELL? I didn't toss anything, I didn't do anything wrong!" If he had been a bigger hockey fan he would have known that the secondary fight always gets the bigger penalty. And the two drunks a few rows down and the jerk in front of us postured at each other a bit more through the game then the crowd swallowed up the guy from in front of us and his girlfriend and I would guess they left without a big fight in the parking lot.

But after it all happened I had to thank Brent for not being an asshole. Which he then corrected me and said he was an asshole, so I had to say, "yeah, but not that type of asshole." Because I have never seen him lose his cool like the guy in front of us (who apparently does it a lot since he and the girlfriend had a routine). I wouldn't deal well with him being that kind of asshole.

Because I am.

Or I can be.

Even before last night I was thinking about writing about temper. And then all of that happened and I thought, well, okay, it's time.

My dad had a very long fuse and a slow burn but once he got mad at you he was mad. There wasn't a lot of going back. If he got to the point that he didn't like you the odds of him changing his mind were slim. But it took a lot of effort from someone to get him there. He just didn't get mad easily. My mother on the other hand has a flash bang temper. If she gets mad it's quick and explosive and then over with. She is easier to tick off but doesn't stay that way. I used to always joke that I had the combination of them both, I was quick to anger and once I got there I stayed there.

Now you all know I've mellowed over the years and for the most part people don't see the temper like that. They might get a taste here and there that reminds them it's still simmering but for the most part I don't lose control. I've gotten much better at weighing out a situation and seeing where it will lead before jumping the gun. Take last night for instance.  The drunk guys were being douchebags by knowing that people wanted them to sit down so they could see and not doing it. Because drunks guys are often douchebags. The guy sitting in front of us responded to the douchebaggery by being a dick. Which isn't the right call. The right call would have been to get an usher to either tell them to sit or walk them out. But he didn't. Now these three guys would have yelled and sputtered and then either flamed out or been reprimanded by security and it would have been over if Self-important guy hadn't jumped in threatening to call the cops. What he did was took male posturing, excess testosterone flare up and tossed a gallon of gas on it. Which made it a bigger deal and caused it all to last longer.

So back to my temper. Watching the altercation as it unfolded I was thinking everyone just sit down. Stop being stupid and sit. When the guy inserted himself and started escalating? Well I might have then told him to hang up his phone and sit down. Which I thought was pretty good because I didn't shout at him repeatedly or use the more colorful words that came to mind. But my temper flared at that point and as Brent said, my face got that scrunched up thing going...

Because that temper is still there. And sometimes I'm surprised at what I react to. Like the guy last night. I knew if he hadn't inserted himself it would have been over quicker but he just escalated things that were already bad enough and that pissed me off. I wanted them all to sit down and shut up so I could finish the game (which was great, by the way) in peace. Which I did, because see, just like the dick in front of us and his girlfriend Brent and I have a routine as well from the many times over the years I've gotten that scrunched up face thing. Instead of holding my earrings so I can fight he puts a hand on my knee to snap me back to reality. It usually works. It's just a calm reminder that I don't have to take on the world like a raging bull I can just sit back and relax and let things take care of themselves.

I'm not saying it always works, sometimes he's not around, or I'm too pissed to calm down. But it does more often than it doesn't. And through the years I've mellowed enough that I don't tend to let everything piss me off the way it used to. I haven't reached the point my dad was, where it took a lot, but I'm not where my mom was where if it does reach the point I go from calm to fury in 3.6 seconds.

The thing is that because I've mellowed so much over the years and because most of the people in my life didn't know me before I got it under control my temper can come as a surprise. I warn people when they are about to cross the line. When they've pushed me as far as I'm going to go. And sometimes they think I'm kidding. The thing is, I'm not. I can be vicious. If we are having an argument and I say, "Okay, I'm done now" and want to go calm down you really need to let me. Because I know at that point I am holding on to my self control with the slimmest of threads and if you push me I'm going to get ugly. I rarely get physical but that doesn't mean I won't cut you up with what I say. And I also know if push came to shove out in the world I would still get physical with someone. It's been years since I hit someone but it doesn't mean I can't still feel my fists ball up when I get angry enough. It doesn't happen often but I'm not cocky enough to think I have it mastered either.

And that leads us to the end of this blog. I know I have a vicious temper. I know if I gave it free reign I would still be a bitch on wheels. I know if I let my face do that scrunched up thing all the time I would be just a nasty piece of work. I know all of these things so I choose to do things that keep that under control. To live a different life. Because being pissed off all the time is exhausting. And lonely. It comes back around to the blog I wrote a few weeks ago about choosing happiness. This is part of that choice. I'm not always sunshine and roses sometimes I'm thunderstorms and thorns but I've figured out I'd rather not be that way. Being angry at the world is a bummer, man.

So what about you? Where is your temper on the spectrum? And what are you doing to make sure you control your temper instead of it controlling you? My secrets? Chocolate, meditation and when all else fails an emergency hand to the knee.....