Jeri sat waiting for Anthony to show up. He would be five minutes late she knew. He was always five minutes late. It was long enough for the person waiting to think maybe he wasn't going to show up but not so long that they would be angry with him or would leave. She wasn't even sure if he realized he did it, but she knew. She had thought about showing up 10 minutes late just to make a statement but it was a brief thought. The time in her life where she wanted to say anything to him had passed years ago. Now she just wanted to see what he was after and go home.
The bell on the shop door rang and Jeri looked at her watch, 2:05, right on time.
"Jeri! You look great! I can't believe it's been so long." Anthony put his arms around her hugging her tightly. "Can I get you anything? I see you have a coffee already, you must have gotten here awhile ago, I was held up, how had I forgotten that traffic was so bad on this side of town? I don't know how you stand living out here." Typical Anthony to turn his being late into a knock on her choice of where to live. Or maybe typical of her to hear the insult when he was just talking to fill space.
As he made his way to the counter to order Jeri noticed a few women in the shop looking at him over their coffee cups. He was fully aware of the attention and made sure to smile over his shoulder at Jeri, but really it was so the women looking at him could be dazzled by his perfect grin and adorable dimples. Then he turned to flirting with the barista. Most likely she would end up giving him his coffee for free, or at least her phone number. In the beginning of their relationship Jeri would have been proud that so many women found him attractive and he chose to be with Jeri, by the end she would be tired of it. Tired of sharing his attention. Tired of knowing that he craved that attention more than he would ever admit. And never really knowing if flirtation was all he was after.
He came back to the table with his coffee and sat looking at her. Soul gazing he would call it, where you look deeply in to someone's eyes. It used to make her feel like he was the only one who truly saw her. Who understood her. And who wanted to know her more. But then she realized he used it on everyone right before he asked for a favor. He had figured out that he could form almost an instant bond with someone by just looking at them. That was one of the things Jeri had learned from him, that people just wanted to be looked at. To be seen. Though Anthony never really saw anyone. He just liked the reflection of himself he could see in their eyes.
He started to hum along with the song playing in the background, "Oh my God, do you remember where we were the first time we heard this song?"
"Stop it." Jeri told him.
"Stop what? What are you talking about?" Anthony put on his best puzzled face.
"Stop trying to manipulate me. You've been doing it since you called. You knew I wouldn't answer if I recognized the caller ID so you called my office instead of my cell. You knew I would never agree to drinks or dinner with you so you suggested afternoon coffee. And you knew I would never just go grab a cup of coffee with you so you asked for help for Jeanie. Now you are trying to soften me up by telling me how great I look and bringing up good memories. So stop it. I'm here. I'm listening, what do you want?"
"When did you become so cynical, Jeri? It doesn't really become you."
Jeri could see the ice in his eyes this time. He was recalculating his next set of moves. He should laugh and pat her hand and then move on....
Anthony laughed a little and reached out to pat her hand, "Oh, Jeri, don't be so tense. I wasn't trying to manipulate anything. You do look great and of course I would think of the first time we heard that song. You are sitting right here in front of me. Don't try and tell me it's not bringing up a lot of memories."
Jeri gave Anthony a tight smile, "What did you need, Anthony? You said you needed to talk to me about Jeanie."
Anthony sat back away from the table and for the first time that day Jeri saw his real face. The one he rarely showed to anyone. No smile, no charm, no dazzling dimples. Just a normal calm face. Now he would speak the truth.
"There isn't an easy way to say this. Mom's dying. The cancer came back. They didn't catch it until it had spread too far to treat. They think she has three months left at most."
"Oh, Anthony, I am sorry. She was always lovely to me. She even called a few months after we split to see how I was. I didn't go see her, for obvious reasons, but I was touched that she thought of me."
"She always liked you. She thought you were the one for me, did you know that? I told her I thought so too."
And there it was back in place. His show face. This time he was going with soft charm.
"Why are you here telling me this? What do you want from me?"
"Mom has been talking a lot about her life. What she has done and hasn't done. And her biggest regret is that she didn't get to be a grandmother. Felicia got married last year but they haven't had kids yet and there isn't time for her to give Mom a grandchild even if she got pregnant right away."
As he spoke the anger bloomed inside of Jeri filling her with ice. She wasn't sure she could move without shattering. He couldn't possibly be here to ask for that. To want that. To think she would give him that. She took a deep breath to try and keep calm.
"And what exactly does this have to do with me?"
"Look, I know I blew it, okay, I know that I made a bad choice but it was what 6 years ago? I've changed, I've grown up. I want to make it right."
"And you thought that making it right would be what exactly? Coming here and asking me for what, Anthony? What do you want?"
"I know that when we talked about what we were going to do you talked about open adoption. And I thought maybe you had gone through with that? I tried to check at the hospital but they wouldn't give me any information, even though I'm the father."
"No, Anthony, you aren't. Don't you remember? When I refused to 'take care of it' the way you wanted me to you said you wanted nothing more to do with it. There was no 'what we were going to do', you made it perfectly clear that it was my problem and if I wasn't going to take care of it you wanted nothing to do with it. I have a legal document you signed giving away all rights and responsibilities as a parent. You never were the father. Ever."
Anthony reached out to try and pat Jeri's hand again but she pulled away from him like he had burned her. "Jeri, don't be like this okay? I just want to know if it's possible for me to give my Mom the one thing she regrets not having."
"You are unbelievable. How did you think this was going to go? That you would call the hospital and they would be so pleased to hear from you that they would give you all of the information you wanted just like that?"
"Well they didn't..."
Jeri cut him off, "And when that didn't happen you thought you would call me and I would tell you what you wanted? Help you give your Mom a grandchild? Did you think this through at all?"
"I haven't thought of much else since she said this was her big regret. I knew I could give her this. How can you be so selfish to not even consider it?"
"How did you plan on doing this, Anthony? How did you see it going? That you were going to walk in to Jeanie's house and present her with a child? 'Look, Mom! Your grandchild!' and then she would be so happy and pleased with you that she would declare that from this moment forward and forever more you would be the favorite child? That you could hold this over Felicia's head until the day one of you died? That you were the one who gave Jeanie her grandchild. You were the one she loved best."
As Jeri spoke she could see on Anthony's face that this was exactly how he thought it would go. That this was, as it always was, about him. How he could be the one everyone loved. How he could be the best. His mother wanted a grandchild? Well he just happened to know where he might be able to get her one, beat that Felicia.
"Well let me save you from yourself one more time. Not that you deserve it but let me tell you how it would have gone. If you had walked in to Jeanie's house with a five year old child and presented her with her long lost grandchild she wouldn't have been happy with you, Anthony, she would have hated you. Don't look so shocked. You told me her one regret was not having grandchildren, how do you think she would feel knowing that she did have one and for five years she hasn't had a relationship with that child because you didn't want anything to do with it. You wanted the pregnancy terminated. No child at all. And now five years later you want to show a woman on her deathbed that she could have had what she always wanted except you were too selfish to give it to her."
"I didn't..."
"No, you didn't, because you never do. And what did you think was going to happen after your big presentation? This is a child we are talking about not a show pony. Did you think you could just pick up and drop off and not leave a mark on this child's life? Not cause pain and confusion to an innocent child? Just because you wanted to come play the hero? You know that as soon as your mother passed playing at being a dad in any way shape or form would wear thin and what then? Did you think at all about the child? For even a second?"
Anthony sat staring at Jeri, "So you won't help me then?"
"Have you been listening to me at all? Your fantasy of how this would have gone was just that, a fantasy. It would have been a disaster. You would have hurt your mother and the child by trying to be the hero. Just let it go. And besides I didn't do the open adoption so I can't help you anyway."
At this point Anthony's face fell. "I know you don't believe it, Jeri, but I really have changed. I've grown up a lot. And I really did think this was going to be good for her. I'm not the selfish monster you seem to think I am."
"Anthony, I would believe you except for two things. First off do you remember the last time we talked? You called me because you needed a ride home from a party. You were drunk and couldn't drive and needed me to get you. You told me how you could always count on me. I would always be there for you. But when I told you I couldn't come get you, you lashed out. Called me selfish. Spoiled. Mad at you because you didn't want to get married and settle down. I told you again I couldn't come and hung up.That was the last time you called me until this week.
March 23, 2008. I know the exact date because I had been in the hospital all day. I had just woken up from an emergency C section. My uterus was punctured during labor and if they hadn't gone in when they did I would have bled to death and the baby would have died as well. When my phone rang and I saw it was you I was so happy. You did care, you had to have heard and you were calling to make sure I was alright. We were alright. And then I realized you didn't have a clue."
"How was I supposed to know?"
"You could have asked. Asked a simple question, Anthony. How are you? But you didn't. And that's the second way I know you haven't changed. You haven't asked the one thing any normal person would be wondering. Was the baby a boy or a girl? So I can't help you, Anthony, it wasn't an open adoption. You are going to have to try and beat out Felicia with some other move. Now if you'll excuse me, and even if you won't, I have someplace else to be."
And with that Jeri picked up her bag and left.
When she was getting in her car her cell phone started ringing. Stealing herself to see Anthony's number on the caller id she smiled and relaxed when she saw who it really was.
"Hey, I'm on my way to pick up Joy from kindergarten, do you need me to pick up anything on the way home?"
"No, I'm good, but thanks for asking. I'll see you soon. And, hun? I love you."
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