Thursday, July 10, 2014

Four years...

Yesterday I was cleaning house. I pulled the last of the things that will go to Bend out of C's bedroom and put them with the other packed up items. I took a look around at the bare bookshelves and empty hooks on the wall and thought, "Good deal! He's on his own.You did your job! Excellent!"

Okay, not really.

I took a look around, took a deep breath and went in to the hallway to dust. And instead sat on the floor and cried for a minute.

I've had four years to get used to the idea that he was leaving. That's what college is for parents. For kids it's four years to prep themselves for the "real world" the one where they get a job and join the other grown ups. For parents it's where you ease yourself in to the idea that they will move out and move on. And just like those four years do little to prepare people for the actual daily realities of working (But I just got up early yesterday what do you mean I have to do it again? And where is my month off at Christmas and three months over the summer??), they do little to prepare parents for that day when they aren't coming back. When it's not just "for a few months until vacation" when they really are gone.

It's weird.

I mean I knew it was coming. But part of me really didn't expect it. He had a job offer within two weeks of graduation. The start date was later than the offer, back ground checks, moving, yadda yadda, but still. Two weeks. That's outstanding. And we were and are super proud of him.

But still.

I had sort of gotten used to the idea that it would take awhile to find a job. The market is so tight. People are having a hard time. I figured I'd get the summer with him at least. I had plans! Finish rehabbing that ankle and get him back in to the swing of being my walking buddy. We had to skip last summer due to other reasons so this would be our make up summer to do our weekly explore gig. But nope, he got a job right away. And then the time we had between the offer and the move filled up. Trips to find a place to live, PT for the ankle, packing, shopping, moving and all of a sudden here I sit, Brent at work, C at work. Empty house.

Really empty.

Not just the for a few months temporarily empty but actually this is life now. 

Okay, to be fair in the three weeks he's been in Bend I've seen him every week and he is coming home this weekend but it's for a visit and to get the last of his things. He doesn't live here now. He visits. And after this weekend who knows when he will come up again. It's kind of up to him now. You know when he decides to visit. Visit.

We also did just lose George so the house is even emptier than we had planned. Which doesn't help.

We have decided not to move until all of the college loans are paid off so we will be remodeling this place a bit over the next year. I will be moving the furniture that is left out of his rooms, painting, turning them into a guest room for when he visits (visits!) and who knows what his study will become. Because he doesn't really need it anymore. You know because he doesn't live here anymore. He lives in Bend. Not going to college in Bend, lives in Bend.

I keep saying it so it doesn't sound weird. 

And like I said, we are so proud of him. And hopeful that this is the first step in a long and productive career. And that he is happy. That's always the goal right? Happy. And honestly I hope this position leads to more in this company. Bend is lovely, three hour drive so during the non-snowy months we can visit, he can visit (visit!), during the holidays there is a ski bus that goes from PDX to Bend so hopefully he can get a cheap ticket for that to come home at Christmas, or a ticket on one of the little regional flights. But the other places he could work with this company might be better opportunities for him, not just with the company but bigger cities with more to do. And he could still visit. After all we had four years to get used to the idea that he wouldn't live here full time anymore. Just visit.

Four years wasn't that long. 

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