A friend of mine writes a very funny blog called Mrs. Mustache. This week she was busy and so only posted notes that she had taken that she will make into a future story. Her sense of humor and the way she views the world makes me laugh so hard I sometimes have to catch my breath. Check it out here.
But it sort of got me to thinking about my own notes. I have notes in my phone, first lines for books or just lines I want to make sure I use in a story. I have notes by the computer. Some for Totally random but...some for The World by George. Some are for games I am playing. Some are for chores I need to get done. And then there are the ones that I am sure made some sort of sense when I wrote them down but I have no idea why now. For instance in the middle of a list of ideas for The World by George I have "Billy Joel" Now I have no idea why or what it was in relation to. Since it's in the middle of the list and not to the side I have to think there was a cat joke in there someplace. Just not sure where it went.
I have a list of thing for TRB. Some of them I have done, Smells and memory, Games People Play and the Need for Gun Control. Some I haven't yet, The First Year of College, Playlists, Learning to Skate and Knit. Then there are the things I thought about writing about but the time passed or the subject never full materialized. Osama? is one note. I knew the blog I was going to write had started it in my head then a friend who writes a blog wrote one that was so similar in tone I abandoned it half formed. There are also blog idea lists here and there through these blogs. If I ever need to find an idea I just need to read back and I will find a few that I was going to write but I never did.
The way my brain works sometimes I just need to clear out the old ideas to make room for new ones. And sometimes that's as far as the idea gets. It's a note. I wonder what people would think of my life if I wasn't around to explain and they were treated with this random collection of notes from my phone and my computer:
"The last thing that went through her head was "what is that truck doing?" the last thing her head went through was the windshield"
"Winged? Keeper? Egg?"
"Opposable thumbs and litter"
"Sure you can, just don't tell me about it"
"Toilet bowl cleaner, new sponge, curling iron?"
"Kilburn and Gates LM, AGAIN"
"Billy Joel"
Yeah, I tossed Billy on there again just to see if I could jog something loose...Still nothing but I am sure it was brilliant.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I made it up
"The worst part is the entire time he was telling me he was sick and needed to cancel our date I could hear people laughing in the background! He was obviously out at a bar and was bailing on me up so he could stay there!" Kat could barely contain herself as she regaled Sandra with the previous evening's bad date story.
"Wait, are we mad that he lied to you or mad that he was a lousy liar?"
Kat and Sandra looked at James as though remembering he was there for the first time, "Both obviously!" Kat said as though speaking to a slow child.
Sandra patted her husband's knee and explained, "The lie is bad enough. The fact that he didn't even try to hide that he was lying is worse. It means that he didn't care if he got caught."
"But wouldn't it be worse if he was a good liar and you would still be thinking he was a good guy to date? This way you know right away that he isn't someone to waste time with?"
"That's not the point! The point is that he didn't even care enough about me to lie well!"
"I still don't get it." James shook his head slowly looking from his wife to her best friend. Aliens, he was sure they were aliens, it was the only real explanation he had.
"It's okay, honey, it's complicated, you don't have to get it." Sandra loved her husband and loved her life. Simple, straightforward, drama free. Well except for Kat, there was always plenty of drama around Kat.
There you go. This bit of dialog popped into my head yesterday while I was cleaning the shower. It fits in with a series of short stories I have been working on for awhile. I have small bites of each of them on file. Pieces that fall into my brain that I just KNOW are somehow going to form a cohesive story at some point in time. The thinking right now is that it will revolve around 5 or 6 main characters and how they come in and out of each other's lives. Each chapter will be a complete story but they will be grouped in a book that by the end you will see how they are all tied together.
Obviously, that piece up there is still rough. I have been playing around with character names, I like Kat, she could be Kathy, Katherine, Kate and Kat all through different stages of her life. Sandra has been Connie, Sandra, Dianne and few other names, I can't settle on who she is yet. Her husband is James. Solid name also one that can be shortened or lengthened depending on where he is in the story. But that could change as well.
Kat seems to be the character that I have the most random pieces for. She is pretty fully formed. At least right now. And her best friend, the ever solid Sandra (Connie? Dianne?). I think those two will be the main thread through all the stories. Even the ones they aren't featured in there will be something there tying them back. I think. Maybe.
That's the part of making it up. I keep hearing these voices in my head. I know they are trying to tell me a story. And I listen, and I write down what I remember, and I work them over and over until they make sense. Or at least make sense to me. Or I write them down, work them over and then throw them away because what seems like a clever idea at 2 AM is often not so clever at 10 AM. Or the basic thread of the thought is still there but everything around it has been reworked so many times it's barely recognizable.
Anyway...I thought I would share that piece with you. When I finally get all of the voices to finish telling me their stories and I write that book you can read it and see if that exchange made the final cut. Or if you can recognize the piece that it ended up becoming.
"Wait, are we mad that he lied to you or mad that he was a lousy liar?"
Kat and Sandra looked at James as though remembering he was there for the first time, "Both obviously!" Kat said as though speaking to a slow child.
Sandra patted her husband's knee and explained, "The lie is bad enough. The fact that he didn't even try to hide that he was lying is worse. It means that he didn't care if he got caught."
"But wouldn't it be worse if he was a good liar and you would still be thinking he was a good guy to date? This way you know right away that he isn't someone to waste time with?"
"That's not the point! The point is that he didn't even care enough about me to lie well!"
"I still don't get it." James shook his head slowly looking from his wife to her best friend. Aliens, he was sure they were aliens, it was the only real explanation he had.
"It's okay, honey, it's complicated, you don't have to get it." Sandra loved her husband and loved her life. Simple, straightforward, drama free. Well except for Kat, there was always plenty of drama around Kat.
There you go. This bit of dialog popped into my head yesterday while I was cleaning the shower. It fits in with a series of short stories I have been working on for awhile. I have small bites of each of them on file. Pieces that fall into my brain that I just KNOW are somehow going to form a cohesive story at some point in time. The thinking right now is that it will revolve around 5 or 6 main characters and how they come in and out of each other's lives. Each chapter will be a complete story but they will be grouped in a book that by the end you will see how they are all tied together.
Obviously, that piece up there is still rough. I have been playing around with character names, I like Kat, she could be Kathy, Katherine, Kate and Kat all through different stages of her life. Sandra has been Connie, Sandra, Dianne and few other names, I can't settle on who she is yet. Her husband is James. Solid name also one that can be shortened or lengthened depending on where he is in the story. But that could change as well.
Kat seems to be the character that I have the most random pieces for. She is pretty fully formed. At least right now. And her best friend, the ever solid Sandra (Connie? Dianne?). I think those two will be the main thread through all the stories. Even the ones they aren't featured in there will be something there tying them back. I think. Maybe.
That's the part of making it up. I keep hearing these voices in my head. I know they are trying to tell me a story. And I listen, and I write down what I remember, and I work them over and over until they make sense. Or at least make sense to me. Or I write them down, work them over and then throw them away because what seems like a clever idea at 2 AM is often not so clever at 10 AM. Or the basic thread of the thought is still there but everything around it has been reworked so many times it's barely recognizable.
Anyway...I thought I would share that piece with you. When I finally get all of the voices to finish telling me their stories and I write that book you can read it and see if that exchange made the final cut. Or if you can recognize the piece that it ended up becoming.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Can you smell that?
As the car reached the top of the hill Anna closed her eyes, tilted her head back and took a deep breath, "Can you smell that?" Up until that point I don't think I was paying attention to the smells in the car, but following her lead I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and there it was...the ocean. That unmistakable combination that is the salt water, sand, fish and sunshine smell of the ocean. From that moment on, any time I smell the ocean part of me remembers that day.
Smell and memory are closely tied. There are scientific reasons (or theories anyway) for this. One being that the olfactory cortex has a direct neural link to the hippocampus where as all the other senses go through the thalamus first and then on to the hippocampus. Meaning that smell goes right into the memory banks and our other senses are processed, then stored. Makes sense right? Or your eyes just glazed over and you started hoping for the next paragraph to get on with the story....lucky you...
I love the ocean. I love the vastness of it. I love being in the water. I love watching the waves. I love the gritty salty feel on your skin when you have spent the day at the beach. This isn't a secret to anyone. But one of the things I love the most is the smell. That smell takes me back to the day in the car, finally reaching Southern California after driving for days. It reminds me of days spent on the beach in my early 20s boogie boarding with friends. It reminds me of taking C to the beach for the first time when he was little. Watching his face as he was fascinated by the tides rolling in and out. Opening the doors to the lanai in Hawaii and breathing in the freshness of the new day and again watching the sunset at night. It calms me, centers me, connects me to the fact that no matter what is going on in my world the ocean is there, the waves keep coming in and going out.
This past summer we visited with family in Michigan and I went to Lake Michigan for the first time. I was amazed at how much like the ocean it was. The lake is big enough you cannot see the other side so it looked like the ocean, there were waves, so it felt like the ocean. There were shells, there were sunbathers, there were kids building sand castles, but it didn't smell right. I kept taking those deep breaths in and though the sun smell, the water, the fish, the mist, it was all there, it was missing the salt. But it was beautiful in it's own way. It just didn't smell right. There was nothing there to tie it to my greater memory banks. To weave it in to the story in my head "This is what the beach is like" so I almost felt like it was missing something. A beautiful beach for sure, but just not quite right.
I have never been one of those people who is bothered by our weather in the PNW. I always tell people I love the rain the way only someone born and raised in a desert can. Growing up in New Mexico a big rainstorm is the lead story on the news. Even in monsoon season there is sunshine every day for most of the day. Many people from that climate never adjust up here. The gray, the rain, the cool temperatures get to them. But not me. I have always loved it. Until the past two years hit...after a particularly brutal winter for us on the heels of a non-existent summer which had followed a very wet (even for us) winter I had reached my breaking point. And I wasn't the only one.
It seemed like everyone I knew was just over the weather. A good friend of mine was training for a marathon and I could always tell when she was taking her lunch time run, that would be when the micro-system over the area would burst and the hail and freezing rain would hit. The weatherman would predict sunshine at the end of the long range forecast and if you mentioned it to someone they gave that derisive snort followed by an "I'll believe it when I see it." And then the day for the sunshine would come and go and the sun would have never made its promised appearance...the weathermen took to claiming a day with just clouds and no rain as a victory...or maybe just a light shower instead of a downpour! Hey! Isn't that great! Umm...no.
Then two weeks ago Brent realized I was at the end of my rope. My sunshine meter was buried so far in the red I was starting to absorb the light from every room I walked into. He first suggested a last minute dash to Las Vegas, but my father's practical voice made me balk at the final ticket prices and I suggested we head to beach on Sunday instead. Then we checked the weather forecast one last time. Rain. Are you kidding me? It was supposed to be sunny! Oh well...but then Friday dawned clear and bright and Brent decided that nothing at work needed his immediate attention so he scooted out early and we dashed off to Seaside and Astoria for the day. We ate seafood, walked along the beach, looked inside kitschy little stores, took pictures of ships waiting to go out to sea, laughed at the harbor seals in the aquarium and at the sea lions sunning themselves on the pier. We enjoyed it so much we did it again the next day.
Now, don't get me wrong, it was super cold at the beach. In fact most people in Oregon don't say they are going to the beach, they say they are going to the coast. It's a different experience than southern California. The point in California is to be IN the water. To surf, to swim, to boogie board. The point in Oregon is to be NEAR the water. To hike the wilderness areas near by, to explore the tide pools, to beach comb. But the water is pretty cold, especially in April, and the wind rips and the temps stay mild. But it's still the ocean. And it still smells wonderful.
Like a sunflower I stood on the sand with my face pointed toward the sun, eyes closed, head back, breathing in that ocean smell. Ahh....this is what I needed to start recharging my sun meter. This is what I was missing. Breathe...and suddenly I was 16 sitting in the backseat of my parent's car with Anna, I was 20 floating in the waves in San Diego, I was 30 walking in the waves with my young son, I was 36 standing on a balcony in Hawaii watching a sunset so beautiful it took my breath away, I am 42 chasing the cobwebs of a long winter out of my head...Can you smell that?
The time came to head home. When we got there I had a package waiting for me on the porch. It was a scarf knitted for me by my cousin in Michigan. As I put the scarf around my neck the smell of her perfume filled my nose and I could hear her laugh, see the kids, feel the dogs wiggling around my legs vying to get pet, taste the peanut butter pie from the Amish village and most of all I could feel the sun on my face, the sand beneath my toes and hear the waves of Lake Michigan crashing on the beach...nothing was missing after all.
Smell and memory are closely tied. There are scientific reasons (or theories anyway) for this. One being that the olfactory cortex has a direct neural link to the hippocampus where as all the other senses go through the thalamus first and then on to the hippocampus. Meaning that smell goes right into the memory banks and our other senses are processed, then stored. Makes sense right? Or your eyes just glazed over and you started hoping for the next paragraph to get on with the story....lucky you...
I love the ocean. I love the vastness of it. I love being in the water. I love watching the waves. I love the gritty salty feel on your skin when you have spent the day at the beach. This isn't a secret to anyone. But one of the things I love the most is the smell. That smell takes me back to the day in the car, finally reaching Southern California after driving for days. It reminds me of days spent on the beach in my early 20s boogie boarding with friends. It reminds me of taking C to the beach for the first time when he was little. Watching his face as he was fascinated by the tides rolling in and out. Opening the doors to the lanai in Hawaii and breathing in the freshness of the new day and again watching the sunset at night. It calms me, centers me, connects me to the fact that no matter what is going on in my world the ocean is there, the waves keep coming in and going out.
This past summer we visited with family in Michigan and I went to Lake Michigan for the first time. I was amazed at how much like the ocean it was. The lake is big enough you cannot see the other side so it looked like the ocean, there were waves, so it felt like the ocean. There were shells, there were sunbathers, there were kids building sand castles, but it didn't smell right. I kept taking those deep breaths in and though the sun smell, the water, the fish, the mist, it was all there, it was missing the salt. But it was beautiful in it's own way. It just didn't smell right. There was nothing there to tie it to my greater memory banks. To weave it in to the story in my head "This is what the beach is like" so I almost felt like it was missing something. A beautiful beach for sure, but just not quite right.
I have never been one of those people who is bothered by our weather in the PNW. I always tell people I love the rain the way only someone born and raised in a desert can. Growing up in New Mexico a big rainstorm is the lead story on the news. Even in monsoon season there is sunshine every day for most of the day. Many people from that climate never adjust up here. The gray, the rain, the cool temperatures get to them. But not me. I have always loved it. Until the past two years hit...after a particularly brutal winter for us on the heels of a non-existent summer which had followed a very wet (even for us) winter I had reached my breaking point. And I wasn't the only one.
It seemed like everyone I knew was just over the weather. A good friend of mine was training for a marathon and I could always tell when she was taking her lunch time run, that would be when the micro-system over the area would burst and the hail and freezing rain would hit. The weatherman would predict sunshine at the end of the long range forecast and if you mentioned it to someone they gave that derisive snort followed by an "I'll believe it when I see it." And then the day for the sunshine would come and go and the sun would have never made its promised appearance...the weathermen took to claiming a day with just clouds and no rain as a victory...or maybe just a light shower instead of a downpour! Hey! Isn't that great! Umm...no.
Then two weeks ago Brent realized I was at the end of my rope. My sunshine meter was buried so far in the red I was starting to absorb the light from every room I walked into. He first suggested a last minute dash to Las Vegas, but my father's practical voice made me balk at the final ticket prices and I suggested we head to beach on Sunday instead. Then we checked the weather forecast one last time. Rain. Are you kidding me? It was supposed to be sunny! Oh well...but then Friday dawned clear and bright and Brent decided that nothing at work needed his immediate attention so he scooted out early and we dashed off to Seaside and Astoria for the day. We ate seafood, walked along the beach, looked inside kitschy little stores, took pictures of ships waiting to go out to sea, laughed at the harbor seals in the aquarium and at the sea lions sunning themselves on the pier. We enjoyed it so much we did it again the next day.
Now, don't get me wrong, it was super cold at the beach. In fact most people in Oregon don't say they are going to the beach, they say they are going to the coast. It's a different experience than southern California. The point in California is to be IN the water. To surf, to swim, to boogie board. The point in Oregon is to be NEAR the water. To hike the wilderness areas near by, to explore the tide pools, to beach comb. But the water is pretty cold, especially in April, and the wind rips and the temps stay mild. But it's still the ocean. And it still smells wonderful.
Like a sunflower I stood on the sand with my face pointed toward the sun, eyes closed, head back, breathing in that ocean smell. Ahh....this is what I needed to start recharging my sun meter. This is what I was missing. Breathe...and suddenly I was 16 sitting in the backseat of my parent's car with Anna, I was 20 floating in the waves in San Diego, I was 30 walking in the waves with my young son, I was 36 standing on a balcony in Hawaii watching a sunset so beautiful it took my breath away, I am 42 chasing the cobwebs of a long winter out of my head...Can you smell that?
The time came to head home. When we got there I had a package waiting for me on the porch. It was a scarf knitted for me by my cousin in Michigan. As I put the scarf around my neck the smell of her perfume filled my nose and I could hear her laugh, see the kids, feel the dogs wiggling around my legs vying to get pet, taste the peanut butter pie from the Amish village and most of all I could feel the sun on my face, the sand beneath my toes and hear the waves of Lake Michigan crashing on the beach...nothing was missing after all.
Monday, May 2, 2011
The games people play...and the need for gun control.
Last week I left to pick up C from his first year away at college. There is a blog about the year coming, but that one is still percolating.
So when I am taking the red eye from Portland to New York I like to try and pick out the people in line that are from Portland heading to New York and the ones that are from New York heading home. Now I know that there will be people that are just traveling through as well, and sometimes they get tossed into the "other" list, but for the most part it's the PNWers and the NYCers that I am sorting.
For instance...the dude with the skateboard wearing PJs and smelling faintly sweet...like ummm...incense...Portland. The woman with the very complicated hairstyle, full makeup and suit (on a red eye flight) New York. The musician with the waist length black hair cut in a vaguely Ramonesish style dressed all in black, New York...but the two younger guys traveling with him dressed in flannel with the goatees? Hmm...I would say Portland. Odd mix for a band, but I am sure their hippy, alternative, punk sound works for them.
The guy that decided the line to get on the plane didn't apply to him and so he snuck around the chairs and joined 3 people from the ticket agent...you know the one wearing super dark blue jeans, top siders and a gold chain? New York. The two couples he cut off who didn't say anything to him but looked at each other, raised eyebrows and shrugged...Portland. The woman from the back of the line who yelled..."Don't think we didn't see that!" New York.
The girl with the spacers the size of 50 cent pieces in her ears sitting with the boy with what can only be described as a miniature hula hoop in his nose? Portland. The young woman sitting two seats down from them who weighed about 20 pounds less than I though humanly possibly carrying a bag that probably cost more than my plane ticket? New York.
There was one woman who was throwing me off. She was obviously late 40s but trying to dress younger. And missing. Her hair was over-dyed black which on an older woman is usually New York and on a younger is Portland. But she just seemed not of either place. Then we got on the plane and she sat behind me....when she opened her mouth to speak it was...AH! Southern California!
I was a little lost at first, thought she must be a publicist and this blog was going to be about the inevitability of drug abuse amongst our celebrities. See, as this young blond and a young man who had been carrying a guitar he gate checked walked by they had a conversation in the aisle about sleeping on the plane. It became apparent that the blond was some sort of talent and the black haired lady was with her. She first offered her some Tylenol PM which the blond said didn't work, then moved on to Vicodin and some other pill which she produced from a zip-lock bag.
But no, it turns out that the black haired woman was the blond girl's mother. She is from San Diego originally. She was Miss National City when she was younger. She and her husband met and married when she was 20 and have been married 27 years. Her daughter wrote the hit song "If I was a Boy" that Beyonce released recently and they have been on a publicity tour since October. Friday they were going to meet with Clive Davis in Manhattan. She NEVER sleeps on a red eye which was going to make the next day really long, but it was totally worth it. See, her daughter is a star. She didn't go to college because she told her and her husband...Oh wait? Am I boring you? Did you maybe want to get to sleep?
Yes, I know all of this and more because she talked almost the entire flight to New York. And like I said, she wasn't sitting next to me, she was the row behind me. Apparently she never learned her quiet indoor voice so I would guess everyone within four rows of her knows her life story as well. At one point her seat mate (stranger to her, who could sleep on planes, though that hint was missed when given) must have fallen asleep because there was a stretch of quiet...broken by the loud braying laugh of Miss National City. (when I say someone has a loud laugh, they have a loud laugh) This woke me up and I thought to myself Seriously?? Or I should say...I thought that I THOUGHT it. Apparently I said it out-loud because the woman in the seat next to me gave me a comforting shoulder pat. Oops...and by the way Portland.
So this brings us to the last part of the title for this blog. Knowing that my next two days were going to be balls to the wall busy. Knowing the odds of me getting much more than a few minutes sleep on the next flight were slim. Knowing that Miss National City, My baby's gonna be a STAR! kept me from the three-four hours of sleep I was going to need desperately over the next few days I was faced with her when we got off of the plane...I had to settle for making "Bang bang" noises in my head as I took this shot...
Or at least I think it was in my head...the old man who was standing next to me who had been seated a few aisles away appeared to give me a knowing look...New York.
So when I am taking the red eye from Portland to New York I like to try and pick out the people in line that are from Portland heading to New York and the ones that are from New York heading home. Now I know that there will be people that are just traveling through as well, and sometimes they get tossed into the "other" list, but for the most part it's the PNWers and the NYCers that I am sorting.
For instance...the dude with the skateboard wearing PJs and smelling faintly sweet...like ummm...incense...Portland. The woman with the very complicated hairstyle, full makeup and suit (on a red eye flight) New York. The musician with the waist length black hair cut in a vaguely Ramonesish style dressed all in black, New York...but the two younger guys traveling with him dressed in flannel with the goatees? Hmm...I would say Portland. Odd mix for a band, but I am sure their hippy, alternative, punk sound works for them.
The guy that decided the line to get on the plane didn't apply to him and so he snuck around the chairs and joined 3 people from the ticket agent...you know the one wearing super dark blue jeans, top siders and a gold chain? New York. The two couples he cut off who didn't say anything to him but looked at each other, raised eyebrows and shrugged...Portland. The woman from the back of the line who yelled..."Don't think we didn't see that!" New York.
The girl with the spacers the size of 50 cent pieces in her ears sitting with the boy with what can only be described as a miniature hula hoop in his nose? Portland. The young woman sitting two seats down from them who weighed about 20 pounds less than I though humanly possibly carrying a bag that probably cost more than my plane ticket? New York.
There was one woman who was throwing me off. She was obviously late 40s but trying to dress younger. And missing. Her hair was over-dyed black which on an older woman is usually New York and on a younger is Portland. But she just seemed not of either place. Then we got on the plane and she sat behind me....when she opened her mouth to speak it was...AH! Southern California!
I was a little lost at first, thought she must be a publicist and this blog was going to be about the inevitability of drug abuse amongst our celebrities. See, as this young blond and a young man who had been carrying a guitar he gate checked walked by they had a conversation in the aisle about sleeping on the plane. It became apparent that the blond was some sort of talent and the black haired lady was with her. She first offered her some Tylenol PM which the blond said didn't work, then moved on to Vicodin and some other pill which she produced from a zip-lock bag.
But no, it turns out that the black haired woman was the blond girl's mother. She is from San Diego originally. She was Miss National City when she was younger. She and her husband met and married when she was 20 and have been married 27 years. Her daughter wrote the hit song "If I was a Boy" that Beyonce released recently and they have been on a publicity tour since October. Friday they were going to meet with Clive Davis in Manhattan. She NEVER sleeps on a red eye which was going to make the next day really long, but it was totally worth it. See, her daughter is a star. She didn't go to college because she told her and her husband...Oh wait? Am I boring you? Did you maybe want to get to sleep?
Yes, I know all of this and more because she talked almost the entire flight to New York. And like I said, she wasn't sitting next to me, she was the row behind me. Apparently she never learned her quiet indoor voice so I would guess everyone within four rows of her knows her life story as well. At one point her seat mate (stranger to her, who could sleep on planes, though that hint was missed when given) must have fallen asleep because there was a stretch of quiet...broken by the loud braying laugh of Miss National City. (when I say someone has a loud laugh, they have a loud laugh) This woke me up and I thought to myself Seriously?? Or I should say...I thought that I THOUGHT it. Apparently I said it out-loud because the woman in the seat next to me gave me a comforting shoulder pat. Oops...and by the way Portland.
So this brings us to the last part of the title for this blog. Knowing that my next two days were going to be balls to the wall busy. Knowing the odds of me getting much more than a few minutes sleep on the next flight were slim. Knowing that Miss National City, My baby's gonna be a STAR! kept me from the three-four hours of sleep I was going to need desperately over the next few days I was faced with her when we got off of the plane...I had to settle for making "Bang bang" noises in my head as I took this shot...
Or at least I think it was in my head...the old man who was standing next to me who had been seated a few aisles away appeared to give me a knowing look...New York.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Blocked
So Brent said to me yesterday, "You haven't been writing much." And I had to tell him that wasn't exactly true. I have been writing. I've been writing a ton. But it's all been...well...for lack of a better word, Crap. So instead of getting a fully thought out wonderfully witty and poignant blog today you are getting a brain dump. Not that you expect wonderfully witty and poignant, but I can pretend!
I have reached a block. I am having a hard time moving past it. I thought maybe it was because I still haven't sent in my children's story. So maybe it's time to just put that aside and deal with it later. But that didn't free up any space in my brain. Then I tried setting a deadline for sending it in (you all remember that Rah! Rah! Go me! post) but that didn't work either. So I went back to just putting the story in a file and I will send it or not when I figure out what I really want to do with it.
So then I started to wonder what else is going on? I am feeling out of sorts lately. Thinking maybe I need to go find a job out in the real world again, but doing what? I am realizing more and more that massage was something I used to leave advertising without feeling too guilty over instead of a true calling. Don't get me wrong, I am good at my job, and I do feel like the people I work on benefit from my work, but I don't feel the need to do it full time. Or even more than the super part time I do it now. So what would I do...
My dad is sick again. In the ever expanding quest to completely turn himself into the bionic man the latest is the addition of a shunt to drain excess fluid from his brain. I have been waiting to hear back from my siblings on if he is cleared by his pulmonary doctor to under go the surgery. This of course leads to paths of thinking on family and the fact that I haven't been a real firm part of mine since I left home at 18 and what exactly that means and if it's an issue and on and on...
I had a disagreement with some friends of mine that started small and grew very large as these things sometimes do and that put me off my normal self when it happened...
I've gained 5 pounds and I am not sure if I want to bother losing them again. I know it sounds like a silly thing to even waste brain space on but you all know how I worked at dropping weight a couple years ago and I don't want to put it all back on. But in a way I sort of like the extra 5 pounds, most of it went to good places. But it would mean buying some new clothes...and I feel like that might be giving myself permission to put it all back. Slippery slope and all that...
So I guess what I am getting at is my brain is full right now. Whiny, pouty, flighty but full. Maybe dumping it all here will free me back up again and I will be able to hear the voices that tell the stories I want to tell...Or maybe I will write about a woman in her 40s who is whiny, pouty and flighty...maybe there is a market for that...
I have reached a block. I am having a hard time moving past it. I thought maybe it was because I still haven't sent in my children's story. So maybe it's time to just put that aside and deal with it later. But that didn't free up any space in my brain. Then I tried setting a deadline for sending it in (you all remember that Rah! Rah! Go me! post) but that didn't work either. So I went back to just putting the story in a file and I will send it or not when I figure out what I really want to do with it.
So then I started to wonder what else is going on? I am feeling out of sorts lately. Thinking maybe I need to go find a job out in the real world again, but doing what? I am realizing more and more that massage was something I used to leave advertising without feeling too guilty over instead of a true calling. Don't get me wrong, I am good at my job, and I do feel like the people I work on benefit from my work, but I don't feel the need to do it full time. Or even more than the super part time I do it now. So what would I do...
My dad is sick again. In the ever expanding quest to completely turn himself into the bionic man the latest is the addition of a shunt to drain excess fluid from his brain. I have been waiting to hear back from my siblings on if he is cleared by his pulmonary doctor to under go the surgery. This of course leads to paths of thinking on family and the fact that I haven't been a real firm part of mine since I left home at 18 and what exactly that means and if it's an issue and on and on...
I had a disagreement with some friends of mine that started small and grew very large as these things sometimes do and that put me off my normal self when it happened...
I've gained 5 pounds and I am not sure if I want to bother losing them again. I know it sounds like a silly thing to even waste brain space on but you all know how I worked at dropping weight a couple years ago and I don't want to put it all back on. But in a way I sort of like the extra 5 pounds, most of it went to good places. But it would mean buying some new clothes...and I feel like that might be giving myself permission to put it all back. Slippery slope and all that...
So I guess what I am getting at is my brain is full right now. Whiny, pouty, flighty but full. Maybe dumping it all here will free me back up again and I will be able to hear the voices that tell the stories I want to tell...Or maybe I will write about a woman in her 40s who is whiny, pouty and flighty...maybe there is a market for that...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Are you Motivated?
So coming on the heels of my resolving to get my short story in the mail by the end of this week I spent the day at the Get Motivated! Business Seminar yesterday. If you live in the Portland area you have probably seen the ads around town for this, if you live in other areas they have visited you have no doubt seen them as well. For the rest of you basically what you see at the start is a giant billboard with 6 or 7 famous faces and they are all going to be in ONE PLACE at ONE TIME for the low low price of ....
Well, I am a sucker for such things. I have heard a lot of motivational speakers in my day. When I worked for KFC they would have a handful at every convention. As Key Note speaker, as second night entertainment, leading small group classrooms, at the national level, at the regional level, heck sometimes at the local level. And for the most part I have enjoyed all of them. I would take in my notebook and sit right up front and take notes and then go over everything I thought was important afterward. I have books by the speakers I have heard over the years, DVDs, outlines, and sub presentations. So when Get Motivated! advertised here locally I decided this was something I had to go check out. The last time they were in town I had missed them, I want to say it was during a KFC meeting so I was out of town, but I had regretted not going then so I decided this time I would go.
Having a healthy dose of cynicism and being around people with their own cynicism the first thing I decided to do was figure out how they could charge so little. What were they going to sell me? I checked out their website, nope, no books or dvds would be offered at the event. They do these events as advertising for their stable of speakers. They want you to come then to book the speakers for longer gigs at your corporations. Hmmmm...okay...still seemed a little off to me but as I had seen some of these speakers at KFC events I was willing to buy into it. My other concern was that for my personal taste it might be a bit too conservative. However the other thing the website assured me is that these are strictly motivational speakers, no politics or religion. Cool. Let me at it then!
So yesterday morning at the bright and early time of 6:28 I boarded a Max train and headed into Portland with about 100 of my closest friends. The event was predicted to be full, causing Blazer level traffic jams during rush hour. I guess a lot of us were looking for a little motivation! Which then, of course, got me thinking, weren't we already the motivated ones? We were the ones with tickets to the event heading in to listen, early for those of us already on the road. The guy at home still on his couch eating his bowl of Frosted Flakes would be the one who really needed the seminar. Hmmm...maybe they should do house calls? You could nominate people for them to visit?
Anyway...off to the start of the day. I took a picture of each speaker as they took the stage. My ticket was one of the almost free tickets so I was up in the nosebleed seats, but with the abundance of large screen TVs it wasn't a bad view. And the sound was great so I could hear everyone. I was interested as I posted the pictures to see what the response from people not at the venue would be. Out of the 9 speakers I posted Bill Cosby got the most buzz, he got four people who liked his picture or made a comment. Rudolph Giuliani got four as well, but one of those I didn't count because it was from someone at the event. :-)
That was sort of interesting to me. Cosby was obviously the biggest name on the ticket but for me he was the biggest disappointment. I have seen him (recorded this was the first time live) doing events such as these and usually he is funny and inspirational and all of the things you would expect a professional comedian working a motivational talk to be. But yesterday he was just sort of flat and cranky. He told a story that he obviously thought was highly moving and very inspirational and motivating and he didn't get the big rush of applause from the audience he was expecting. So he chastised us, asked us if we were listening and told it again! This time a few more people applauded a little louder. I am sure to get him to move on, or because they felt that there was something wrong with them for not being as moved as they obviously should have been...but for me, it was still just an interesting story nothing more.
My favorite speakers for the day were Steve Forbes, Terry Bradshaw, Laura Bush and General Colin Powell. Steve Forbes is a financial genius. I feel richer just listening to him talk. We don't agree on a lot of things (he is very anti-gay rights for instance) but as this was a motivational seminar he kept those views to himself so I could enjoy listening to him speak on economic reforms that I do agree with him on. I would never vote for the man for any public office but I do think he is on the right path as far as the tax code is concerned.
Terry Bradshaw was...well he was what you would expect him to be. Loud, goofy, distracted, but over all just a nice guy. And that was really his message. Just smile. Just be nice. What does it cost you anyway? Of course, I enjoyed this message. It's my way. I am relentlessly positive. Even when I am angry I end up finding the silver lining eventually. So I enjoyed him for nothing else than 25 minutes of sitting in the Amen Choir.
Laura Bush has always impressed me. I do not agree with her husband's policies. I didn't vote for him. I would never vote for him. But she has always struck me as just full of quiet grace and charm. Barbara Bush is known to be a big personality. Can you imagine your mother-in-law being known to the entire free world? And when your husband takes over the old family job having to fill her shoes? She spoke on that subject. I have to imagine she was reading an excerpt from her book. She stood at a lectern and read from notes. Not overly dynamic, but she held the attention of everyone in the room. Keeping true to her librarian roots the woman knows how to read a story. One line she said I wrote down. When she was talking about what it was like to read such negative things about her husband she said, "Of course it bothered me, but I didn't let it get to me" I really liked that. Of course it bothered her, this was her husband people were talking about. But she didn't let it get to her. She didn't change her personality (calm, centered, quiet) because of it, she stayed her course. She was quite impressive to hear and I would go listen to her again.
General Powell was my favorite. He is an impressive man. He spoke on where he started. And then talked about how that doesn't matter. It's where you end up and how you got there. He also said he doesn't miss most things once they are over. He prefers to spend his time looking through the windshield not the rear-view mirrors and not the side mirrors either. Look where you are headed and go! The only thing he misses is his own plane. :-) He told how when he goes through security now he gets extra searches because everyone wants to make sure that the other passengers see that no one gets special treatment. Then he said he can't even complain about that too much because he was the one that implemented those extra stringent searches. He got the biggest laughs, the biggest applause and as I looked around at the people near me I saw the he also got the biggest lean in. You all know the lean in...when someone is speaking that you are very interested in hearing you...lean in.
But now we come to the catch and the parts I didn't enjoy. Remember how I checked out the website when I saw the list of speakers? My concerns? Well...yes. There were valid. There is a lot of Christianity sprinkled in their speeches. And I am pretty used to this. There is a lot sprinkled through every day life. God bless the troops, God bless the USA. For the most part it doesn't really bother me. But I notice. A friend that was at the same event didn't notice it as much as I did and thought there really wasn't much. But I told him when you believe what someone is saying it doesn't stick out to you as odd for them to be saying it. For me it all stuck out.
When they brought out Krish Dhanam for his second speech, they gave the audience a chance to get up and walk out for about 10 minutes if they didn't want to hear any more about spirituality. Okay, fine, but you are broadcasting in the hallways and bathrooms as well so this isn't really walking out. And he had spoken earlier and was pretty entertaining (best line, When should you tell your wife you love her? Before someone else does.)so most people stayed. And he put forth an alter call. Yep, in the middle of the day in a non-religious event, (their website said so!)he did the call. He spoke of how he had reached all of this success and financial gain and had a great family and until he became a Christian it didn't matter. He was still missing the biggest piece. Umm...okay, you were successful, had a happy family, a good life and STILL weren't happy? Buddy that's on you. There were a couple other speakers who were as much tent revivalists as anything else. One of them being my other issue with the event...
There were two times (I believe I left when a third was starting) where we all listened to someone telling their motivational speech, their inspirational story only to realize half way through that what we were really listening to was a sales pitch. Really good sales pitches as well. They didn't lead with these, they put them in the middle of other speakers. So we were all primed to listen with an unjaded ear. And an open wallet. And let me tell you it was super tempting to sign up for both of the extra classes they were selling. It wasn't a ton of money for either of them. It was only a few days to attend. The speakers were both personable and it seemed very reasonable to do these things. And a lot of people did. And that's when my cynical side hit full throttle. Now I could see where they were really making their money.
The Rose Garden holds about 20,000 for a basket ball game. There were seats on the floor for this event as well so even with the few empty seats scattered through the venue I am going to say there were close to that 20,000 there. From watching the crowds I would say that easily a quarter of the attendees bought the first program. And half that many the second. I have no idea about the third as I was leaving but even with just those two it would have been around $620,000. Then whatever extras they sell you at those classes. Between that money and the extra they charged to upgrade your seats it was a pretty good day for them. Now I see where the money is.
The only reason this bothers me is that they stated they weren't selling anything. Same reason the religion bothers me. They stated they weren't religious. The speakers were conservative. So I expected that. And everyone except Rudy kept their politics out of their speeches. But they did an alter call and they tried to sell me things. So I have to give the over all honesty of Get Motivated! a failing grade.
Over all I enjoyed the day. I got to hear some people speak live that I had wanted to hear, I got to pick up some nice motivational quotes. I got to visit with a friend about who we liked and who we didn't and why. I got to be tempted by the lure of riches just at my finger tips and dream for a moment what it would be like to have that sort of money. But would I do it again? Probably not. It was a little too conservative, a little too religious and a little to buy buy buy for my taste. But I am glad I went, I am glad I experienced it and I am I glad I won't regret missing it again. Can't ask for much more than that can you?
Well, I am a sucker for such things. I have heard a lot of motivational speakers in my day. When I worked for KFC they would have a handful at every convention. As Key Note speaker, as second night entertainment, leading small group classrooms, at the national level, at the regional level, heck sometimes at the local level. And for the most part I have enjoyed all of them. I would take in my notebook and sit right up front and take notes and then go over everything I thought was important afterward. I have books by the speakers I have heard over the years, DVDs, outlines, and sub presentations. So when Get Motivated! advertised here locally I decided this was something I had to go check out. The last time they were in town I had missed them, I want to say it was during a KFC meeting so I was out of town, but I had regretted not going then so I decided this time I would go.
Having a healthy dose of cynicism and being around people with their own cynicism the first thing I decided to do was figure out how they could charge so little. What were they going to sell me? I checked out their website, nope, no books or dvds would be offered at the event. They do these events as advertising for their stable of speakers. They want you to come then to book the speakers for longer gigs at your corporations. Hmmmm...okay...still seemed a little off to me but as I had seen some of these speakers at KFC events I was willing to buy into it. My other concern was that for my personal taste it might be a bit too conservative. However the other thing the website assured me is that these are strictly motivational speakers, no politics or religion. Cool. Let me at it then!
So yesterday morning at the bright and early time of 6:28 I boarded a Max train and headed into Portland with about 100 of my closest friends. The event was predicted to be full, causing Blazer level traffic jams during rush hour. I guess a lot of us were looking for a little motivation! Which then, of course, got me thinking, weren't we already the motivated ones? We were the ones with tickets to the event heading in to listen, early for those of us already on the road. The guy at home still on his couch eating his bowl of Frosted Flakes would be the one who really needed the seminar. Hmmm...maybe they should do house calls? You could nominate people for them to visit?
Anyway...off to the start of the day. I took a picture of each speaker as they took the stage. My ticket was one of the almost free tickets so I was up in the nosebleed seats, but with the abundance of large screen TVs it wasn't a bad view. And the sound was great so I could hear everyone. I was interested as I posted the pictures to see what the response from people not at the venue would be. Out of the 9 speakers I posted Bill Cosby got the most buzz, he got four people who liked his picture or made a comment. Rudolph Giuliani got four as well, but one of those I didn't count because it was from someone at the event. :-)
That was sort of interesting to me. Cosby was obviously the biggest name on the ticket but for me he was the biggest disappointment. I have seen him (recorded this was the first time live) doing events such as these and usually he is funny and inspirational and all of the things you would expect a professional comedian working a motivational talk to be. But yesterday he was just sort of flat and cranky. He told a story that he obviously thought was highly moving and very inspirational and motivating and he didn't get the big rush of applause from the audience he was expecting. So he chastised us, asked us if we were listening and told it again! This time a few more people applauded a little louder. I am sure to get him to move on, or because they felt that there was something wrong with them for not being as moved as they obviously should have been...but for me, it was still just an interesting story nothing more.
My favorite speakers for the day were Steve Forbes, Terry Bradshaw, Laura Bush and General Colin Powell. Steve Forbes is a financial genius. I feel richer just listening to him talk. We don't agree on a lot of things (he is very anti-gay rights for instance) but as this was a motivational seminar he kept those views to himself so I could enjoy listening to him speak on economic reforms that I do agree with him on. I would never vote for the man for any public office but I do think he is on the right path as far as the tax code is concerned.
Terry Bradshaw was...well he was what you would expect him to be. Loud, goofy, distracted, but over all just a nice guy. And that was really his message. Just smile. Just be nice. What does it cost you anyway? Of course, I enjoyed this message. It's my way. I am relentlessly positive. Even when I am angry I end up finding the silver lining eventually. So I enjoyed him for nothing else than 25 minutes of sitting in the Amen Choir.
Laura Bush has always impressed me. I do not agree with her husband's policies. I didn't vote for him. I would never vote for him. But she has always struck me as just full of quiet grace and charm. Barbara Bush is known to be a big personality. Can you imagine your mother-in-law being known to the entire free world? And when your husband takes over the old family job having to fill her shoes? She spoke on that subject. I have to imagine she was reading an excerpt from her book. She stood at a lectern and read from notes. Not overly dynamic, but she held the attention of everyone in the room. Keeping true to her librarian roots the woman knows how to read a story. One line she said I wrote down. When she was talking about what it was like to read such negative things about her husband she said, "Of course it bothered me, but I didn't let it get to me" I really liked that. Of course it bothered her, this was her husband people were talking about. But she didn't let it get to her. She didn't change her personality (calm, centered, quiet) because of it, she stayed her course. She was quite impressive to hear and I would go listen to her again.
General Powell was my favorite. He is an impressive man. He spoke on where he started. And then talked about how that doesn't matter. It's where you end up and how you got there. He also said he doesn't miss most things once they are over. He prefers to spend his time looking through the windshield not the rear-view mirrors and not the side mirrors either. Look where you are headed and go! The only thing he misses is his own plane. :-) He told how when he goes through security now he gets extra searches because everyone wants to make sure that the other passengers see that no one gets special treatment. Then he said he can't even complain about that too much because he was the one that implemented those extra stringent searches. He got the biggest laughs, the biggest applause and as I looked around at the people near me I saw the he also got the biggest lean in. You all know the lean in...when someone is speaking that you are very interested in hearing you...lean in.
But now we come to the catch and the parts I didn't enjoy. Remember how I checked out the website when I saw the list of speakers? My concerns? Well...yes. There were valid. There is a lot of Christianity sprinkled in their speeches. And I am pretty used to this. There is a lot sprinkled through every day life. God bless the troops, God bless the USA. For the most part it doesn't really bother me. But I notice. A friend that was at the same event didn't notice it as much as I did and thought there really wasn't much. But I told him when you believe what someone is saying it doesn't stick out to you as odd for them to be saying it. For me it all stuck out.
When they brought out Krish Dhanam for his second speech, they gave the audience a chance to get up and walk out for about 10 minutes if they didn't want to hear any more about spirituality. Okay, fine, but you are broadcasting in the hallways and bathrooms as well so this isn't really walking out. And he had spoken earlier and was pretty entertaining (best line, When should you tell your wife you love her? Before someone else does.)so most people stayed. And he put forth an alter call. Yep, in the middle of the day in a non-religious event, (their website said so!)he did the call. He spoke of how he had reached all of this success and financial gain and had a great family and until he became a Christian it didn't matter. He was still missing the biggest piece. Umm...okay, you were successful, had a happy family, a good life and STILL weren't happy? Buddy that's on you. There were a couple other speakers who were as much tent revivalists as anything else. One of them being my other issue with the event...
There were two times (I believe I left when a third was starting) where we all listened to someone telling their motivational speech, their inspirational story only to realize half way through that what we were really listening to was a sales pitch. Really good sales pitches as well. They didn't lead with these, they put them in the middle of other speakers. So we were all primed to listen with an unjaded ear. And an open wallet. And let me tell you it was super tempting to sign up for both of the extra classes they were selling. It wasn't a ton of money for either of them. It was only a few days to attend. The speakers were both personable and it seemed very reasonable to do these things. And a lot of people did. And that's when my cynical side hit full throttle. Now I could see where they were really making their money.
The Rose Garden holds about 20,000 for a basket ball game. There were seats on the floor for this event as well so even with the few empty seats scattered through the venue I am going to say there were close to that 20,000 there. From watching the crowds I would say that easily a quarter of the attendees bought the first program. And half that many the second. I have no idea about the third as I was leaving but even with just those two it would have been around $620,000. Then whatever extras they sell you at those classes. Between that money and the extra they charged to upgrade your seats it was a pretty good day for them. Now I see where the money is.
The only reason this bothers me is that they stated they weren't selling anything. Same reason the religion bothers me. They stated they weren't religious. The speakers were conservative. So I expected that. And everyone except Rudy kept their politics out of their speeches. But they did an alter call and they tried to sell me things. So I have to give the over all honesty of Get Motivated! a failing grade.
Over all I enjoyed the day. I got to hear some people speak live that I had wanted to hear, I got to pick up some nice motivational quotes. I got to visit with a friend about who we liked and who we didn't and why. I got to be tempted by the lure of riches just at my finger tips and dream for a moment what it would be like to have that sort of money. But would I do it again? Probably not. It was a little too conservative, a little too religious and a little to buy buy buy for my taste. But I am glad I went, I am glad I experienced it and I am I glad I won't regret missing it again. Can't ask for much more than that can you?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The things you miss...
See that picture? Do you know what it was supposed to be? While I was cleaning the master bathroom last Friday I heard the crash of the trash truck going by. When I turned to look I saw that George was very concerned with the truck outside. He was sitting in the window as straight as could be ears forward watching every move the truck made. With the dark room and the light outside all you could make out was his silhouette. It was a perfect picture opportunity. But my camera was downstairs...so I snuck quietly from the room to go grab the camera and come back up for the shot...and this is where it all fell apart.
Right off the foot of the stairs is our office. Glancing in I could see an error message of some sort on my laptop, so I went in to take care of that "real quick" then once I was at the laptop I checked Facebook and caught up on my notifications there then I had an email to answer then I remembered I had come downstairs for something what was it again? So I wandered back out into the hallway...what was it? The vacuum? No, it was upstairs...clean drinking glasses for the bathroom? No...I had already done that...hmm....then I remembered! My camera!
I grabbed my little camera from my purse and turned to head upstairs where I was greeted by George, who was coming downstairs to see what I was doing. Argh! Missed it! And it was totally my fault. And this happens all the time.
I am easily distracted. I don't ever try to hide that fact. It is part of who I am. And sometimes it's a really great thing. I have seen things and done things because I noticed something in my wanderings that I would have otherwise missed. I am also pretty easy going and so the delays and distractions of life don't generally bother me. Sometimes they do, everyone has those days, but usually I can take things pretty much in stride and try to find some reason or something interesting that happened because of the delay.
But the contradiction is that I am also a fairly competitive person and I am a person who likes to accomplish things. Those more driven sides to my personality get drowned out by the more laid back aspects. And then I get frustrated. I look back at my day and see that I haven't done anything with it...and I am not happy about that. Starting the day I will have these grand plans but then this happens...or that...or the other thing...and before I know it hours have passed and I have nothing to show for it.
I have been writing more, I actually have a children's story ready to submit to an agent to try and get it published. I have done about half of the leg work to make this happen and then I just stopped. I am trying to figure out why that is. What is it that is keeping me from finishing this task? Then Saturday driving with Brent talking about what ever it was we were talking about he hit the nail on the head...."You are writing now. Until you get bored with that and move on to the next thing that catches your eye." And he is right. That's my way. I will do something for awhile. Do it fairly hard core. Then I am done. Bored now. Ready to move on...and I think that not sending in the story is the scared part of me trying not to repeat the process. If I do send it in, if I do get it published, then am I a writer now? Does that mean I will stop liking it soon?
It's happened with every job I've ever held. I love them all...at the start...then I am bored and ready to move on. Am I trying to hold myself back from doing the same with writing or am I just lazy? Because that could be it too. I could just be lazy. Sending in writing to get published is hard. Rejection sucks. Why do it? But then again, why not do it? Why not see if I could actually make a go of this?
I also have a group of short stories that are for adults. It's not porn, get your mind out of the gutter, they are just adults in the stories. Brent sent me an article on an author who does strictly e-book publishing, does it all on her own, and if very successful with it. These stories would lend themselves to that very easily. So maybe...but how do I then keep it from getting boring?
And I guess the answer lies in that picture up there. What is striking to me is what it is missing. What I let slip away because I didn't focus on the task and get it done. I missed it. I don't want to look back in 20 years and think...I missed it.
So by the end of next week I will have my first story out in to the world looking for a publisher. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, but it won't be because I missed it. Not this time.
Wish me luck!
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