Blocked

So Brent said to me yesterday, "You haven't been writing much." And I had to tell him that wasn't exactly true. I have been writing. I've been writing a ton. But it's all been...well...for lack of a better word, Crap. So instead of getting a fully thought out wonderfully witty and poignant blog today you are getting a brain dump. Not that you expect wonderfully witty and poignant, but I can pretend!

I have reached a block. I am having a hard time moving past it. I thought maybe it was because I still haven't sent in my children's story. So maybe it's time to just put that aside and deal with it later. But that didn't free up any space in my brain. Then I tried setting a deadline for sending it in (you all remember that Rah! Rah! Go me! post) but that didn't work either. So I went back to just putting the story in a file and I will send it or not when I figure out what I really want to do with it.

So then I started to wonder what else is going on? I am feeling out of sorts lately. Thinking maybe I need to go find a job out in the real world again, but doing what? I am realizing more and more that massage was something I used to leave advertising without feeling too guilty over instead of a true calling. Don't get me wrong, I am good at my job, and I do feel like the people I work on benefit from my work, but I don't feel the need to do it full time. Or even more than the super part time I do it now. So what would I do...

My dad is sick again. In the ever expanding quest to completely turn himself into the bionic man the latest is the addition of a shunt to drain excess fluid from his brain. I have been waiting to hear back from my siblings on if he is cleared by his pulmonary doctor to under go the surgery. This of course leads to paths of thinking on family and the fact that I haven't been a real firm part of mine since I left home at 18 and what exactly that means and if it's an issue and on and on...

I had a disagreement with some friends of mine that started small and grew very large as these things sometimes do and that put me off my normal self when it happened...

I've gained 5 pounds and I am not sure if I want to bother losing them again. I know it sounds like a silly thing to even waste brain space on but you all know how I worked at dropping weight a couple years ago and I don't want to put it all back on. But in a way I sort of like the extra 5 pounds, most of it went to good places. But it would mean buying some new clothes...and I feel like that might be giving myself permission to put it all back. Slippery slope and all that...

So I guess what I am getting at is my brain is full right now. Whiny, pouty, flighty but full. Maybe dumping it all here will free me back up again and I will be able to hear the voices that tell the stories I want to tell...Or maybe I will write about a woman in her 40s who is whiny, pouty and flighty...maybe there is a market for that...