Mistakes Were Made...

One of the things that is giving me hope to cling on to today is the number of people who have come out and said "I voted for Trump in 2016 and (or) 2020 and I am voting for Harris this time." 

It's really hard to admit that you've made a mistake. Especially publically. 

And especially for those that identified as MAGA. 

In the 2020 election someone I know who works for Amazon kept saying that they were sure Trump was going to win again because he hadn't seen a bit of Biden merch go out but he'd packed a ton of Trump stuff. Maybe even more than in 2016. More hats, more flags, more yard signs, more shirts, more car magnets. You remember all of that stuff. 

I say remember because you haven't seen nearly as much of it this time around. 

That also gives me some hope to cling on to. 

In 2020 I wasn't convinced by the argument that more Trump stuff meant more votes. Because I was voting Biden, a lot of my friends were voting Biden, and not a single one of us had any Biden merch. We were voting Biden, that's it. The identification with the candidate, like they are an avatar of who we are wasn't there. 

I'm excited that I got to vote for Harris. Back in 2020 my original hope for the ticket was a Warren/Harris ticket. I was thrilled I at least got half of it. So voting for Harris was easy and I'm thrilled. I feel from my friends a lot of the joy of voting for her that they had voting for Obama. Again, another thing that gives me hope. She's an inspiring candidate. 

But again, she's not an avatar for me. I know (already) there are things I don't agree with her on. But I also believe she's the closest to my beliefs by a landslide. 

But for those former MAGAs admitting that they made a mistake? That's a lot harder. They've identified with Trump. They made him a leader of their party, and also some sort of avatar for themselves. And to break away from that, to say, okay, he wasn't actually standing up for me, he was and is a grifter who is only out for his own good. That's hard. 

When you make a mistake it's hard to own up to it. Those people that are voting for Harris after voting for Trump, or after voting Republican their entire lives, that's amazing. 

I know. 

I voted for Jill Stein. 

Breathe...take a deep breath. Not this time. Not last time. Not even the time before that. I voted for Jill Stein during Obama's second term. 

I knew it didn't matter. I live in deep blue Oregon. It was even deeper blue back then. My vote for president literally did not matter. But I was unhappy with the Obama administration. I felt like he had squandered a majority in both houses and not gotten done what he should. I wanted to somehow voice that opinion. So I (safely) voted third party. 

It was a mistake. 

The night of the election when results started coming in and that thing where it looks like the Republicans are winning before the Democrats catch up thing was happening and I started to think...oh shit. 

Now Oregon was still never in play. If it had been I wouldn't have voted the way I did. But...even so...what if? What if a lot of us were like, LOOK we're mad! What if? What if I had helped usher Romney into the White House? 

I knew better. I knew that Nader was one of the factors that cost Gore the election against Bush. 

But I still did it. 

And I will give myself slight credit (aside from the safely Blue part) and say she wasn't a Russian asset at that point in time. She really was just a Green Party candidate. But the problem is that so many of us voted for her in 2012 that Russia noticed. She didn't receive much, less than a percent of the vote nationwide (but a little over 1% in Oregon) but it was significantly more than the Green Party had ever received before. So when she ran in 2016...

Well her vote margin in three swing states would have been enough to tip the election to Clinton. 

I did not vote for her in 2016. I actively warned people against voting for her because it was too close. And with her stating that Clinton was a bigger threat than Trump it seemed she had lost the plot. 

But I still have to own that I voted for her in 2012. I gave her candidacy some validity. Not just me, I'm not that vain, but me and the rest of us who voted for her. And the Russian machine promoted the hell out of her in 2016 and 2020 and now again in 2024. Though it's gone from Russia is promoting her to pictures of her having dinner with Putin so maybe not a real mystery there. 

Her running mate this time is also anti trans, so she's got that not going for her as well. 

The thing I learned as I watched those results coming in in 2012 is that I wouldn't ever do a protest vote again. That feeling in my stomach when it seemed there was a shot of Obama not winning his second term...well it wasn't as bad as the feeling when Trump won his first, but it was more personal. It was a "you did this!" feeling. 

Since then I've read Biden's book and Obama's book and I understand what was happening that first term. Why things didn't get done. And I understand what he doing. He was trying to build coalitions. To make sure things that were passed were bipartisan. He was no drama Obama afterall. It was a miscalculation as to how united the Republicans were in making him fail. Super frustrating to read those books and see how they were trying to do the right thing, knowing that there was no way they could. It brought back the frustration of that first term when I just wanted him to use the power he had and get shit done. 

The other thing that changed was how I approach political discourse. Obama's first term and second I didn't really talk about politics publically very often. If you knew me, you might know where I stood. I wasn't ashamed and I was very informed. I would have a discussion with anyone who asked. But I didn't go out on my own to start those conversation for the most part. On Facebook I'd even apologize before a post if it was even remotely political. 

Can you imagine? 

But that stopped. After I realized that I almost threw (not really, it was never close, it just felt that way for a few moments) the results of an election to someone I didn't want to win because I was pouting over not getting my way? Oh holy shit...that stopped. 

Protest votes aren't effective. Unless you want the person you are protesting against to lose. If that's your end game then fine. But otherwise you are much better off getting the people who are closest to your alignment elected and then petitioning them for change. Call your congresspeople. Post on the White House petition forms. Campaign for change. 

Write status updates and blogs and postcards. 

But don't throw your vote away in protest. 

It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be wrong. But once you realize it was a mistake, correct it. And then don't do it again. 

Fingers crossed enough people are rectifying their mistakes today and it will be a Harris victory with no room for doubt. 

Here We Are...

The phone banks have been banked. The post cards have been posted. The think pieces have been thought. And the oh fuck you posts have been posted. 

This is it. 

Here we are. 

Tomorrow is the last day of voting.  

After an impossibly long campaign season.

I told Brent I needed to write today but all I could think about writing was, "You fuckers better not let me down" and that I think I'm positive that those of you that read my blog that can vote in an American election didn't. So I wasn't sure what to write.

Because right now that's all I can think about. Please let this go the way I hope it will go. 

That's me right now. I keep seeing things that make me really optimistic that this is going to be a wonderful result. 

And then I see something that makes my stomach clench. 

I think it's that I will never forget what it felt like in 2016 to be so sure it was going to be Clinton and then it wasn't. I cried. Actual tears. I would lay awake at night in dread of what was coming. No matter how much I tried to convince myself it wasn't going to be that bad, I knew it was going to be that bad. 

It was that bad. 

And this time it would be worse. 

I have no doubt he is going to lose the popular vote. I mean, he's never once won the popular vote. More people voted against him than for him when he did become president. I know that more people in the United States would rather he lost but that's not going to matter if the people in a handful of states decide to vote for him. 

I've never been a fan of the Electoral College, I never will be a fan of the Electoral College. We should abolish the Electoral College. But as long as the Republicans can't win without it we will never be free of it. And right now they can't win without it. 

Gerrymandered states and the Electoral College keep them in power. And nobody likes to give up power. Heaven forfend they had to come up with better ideas to get people to vote for them. I mean...who does that?

My plan tomorrow is to watch something on streaming. Not to obsess about results. To understand that odds are it will be a few days before we know for sure. 

That's my plan.

I had a similar plan in 2020.

Ask me if I stuck to it...

Someone on my friend's list posted the other day that he (it's always a he) didn't understand why people were so worried about this. Just vote and then relax, nothing you can do so why stress? OH HOLY FUCK WHAT A POSITION OF PRIVILEGE! I mean, well, sure, if I had nothing really to lose if TFG wins maybe I wouldn't be so stressed. But I do. I have things to lose. And there are people in the world who don't understand that they also have things to lose. That it is never just contained in a small group with guys like him. And like Vance. And let's face it, you know Peter Thiel did not spend all of that money for Vance to not take Trump out as soon as he possibly can if they are elected. If I were Trump and I won I'd be really careful around stairs, Ivana isn't the only one who can take a timely fall.

It's stressful. 

And I get what he is trying to say. There is nothing that can be done at this point and worrying won't change the outcome. 

But...

I'm still stressed out. 

Because there is so much to lose if TFG wins. And there is a big potential for violence if he loses. 

But for now, everything I can do, I've done. 

You fuckers better not have let me down...

Books Chapter 17...

Books Chapter Sixteen B

Jade looked up and spotted Gloria in line for coffee.

“Hey, Gloria! Hi!”

Gloria turned and saw her, “Oh hi! Wait, do you go here?”

“I do. I’m a junior, I did my first year back home and transferred here second semester of my sophomore year. Are you thinking about coming here?”

Gloria laughed, “I have been. For the past three and half years. I can’t believe I’ve never seen you around campus.”

“Well, there are a few thousand of us, so I guess maybe it’s not so weird. But hey! Now we know. Umm, so, I’m on my way over to look at art installment in Rickover Hall. Did you want to join me?”

“Oh, I do want to see that. I’m meeting a friend though so…”

Jade tried not to look disappointed. Afterall it wasn’t like they had made plans, or even were planning on making plans. They didn’t even really know each other. And really Gloria probably thought she was weird for even asking and…

“But, I know she has plans at 3 so if you could push it, we could meet back here around 2:30 and go? I mean, I have no idea what your schedule is or if you have something you could do to waste some time, but I do want to see it and...”

“That sounds great. I was going to return some books at the library after I saw the exhibition and I’ll just swap the order.” Jade grabbed her empty coffee cup and pastry wrapper from the table, “You keep this space to meet your friend and I’ll see you back here in a little bit.” She was trying not to smile too broadly.

“Sounds good, see you again soon!” Gloria settled down to wait for Ellie.

She was reading her book when a chair across from her was pulled out. Looking up expecting Ellie she was surprised to see Peter.

“Oh hey, long time no see.”

“Hi, yeah, Ellie is grabbing coffee and will be over in a second.”

“Okay…”

Ellie came over and took a seat next to Peter across from Gloria. “Okay, no beating around the bush. We’re worried about you.”

“First off, hello to you too. Second off, we? Since when are you and Peter a we? And third, what?”

Ellie blushed a little, “We aren’t a we. Not like that. I just mean we have been talking about you and…”

Gloria cut her off, “You have been talking about me? What? Why have you been talking about me?”

“That’s what we’re here to talk to you about. If you’d give me a chance to explain.”

“We live in the same house. You could have explained anytime you wanted to instead of dragging my advisor in to this.”

“I’m not here as your academic advisor, I’m here as a friend. At least I thought we were friends?”

“Yeah, I thought so too, but this is feeling very much like getting called to the principal’s office over some sort of bullshit.”

“It’s not like that at all. And I didn’t ask you at home because you are never at home. You’re always at the bookstore. Or running to class because you were up so late at the bookstore that you slept in. And every time I try to bring up next semester and where you are going to do your student teaching you run off. So, I went to Peter to see if he knew what was going on.”

“You went to Peter to spy on me? What the heck, Ellie. You are all about honesty and just saying what you mean, and you’ve been discussing me behind my back? And you. Isn’t that completely unethical or something? Discussing my academic plans with someone else?”

“It’s not like that. You are overreacting. We’ve just both been really concerned about you and haven’t been able to talk to you because you are always busy and…”

“Yeah, I’m busy. Unlike some people I have to work and can’t just lounge around between classes.”

Ellie looked stung. “That’s…that’s not fair.”

Gloria knew it wasn’t, but she was too mad to really care. “And did you tell her that my grades are fine and I’m doing the work? Or do you not trust that anyone other than you can judge my output?”

Peter sat back a little, “Look, this is not at all the way we had planned on this going, or what we were trying to do. We weren’t meeting to talk about you behind your back as some sort of judgment. Just you’ve pulled away from both of us and have seemed really evasive when either one of us has tried to ask you questions and so we thought it was best if we just…”

Ellie interrupted, “Jade? Hi… I…”

Gloria spun and looked from Jade to Ellie, “Wait? You know each other? Oh perfect. You couldn’t just be content meeting with Peter to discuss my future you sent in a spy? Oh, I’m sure it was for my own good. Something your mother would do, right? Cover all the bases. But with the best of intentions only. Unbelievable.” She pushed away from the table and grabbed her pack, “Talk amongst yourselves. I’m fine. If you had bothered to just ask, I could have told you that.”

And with that she stormed out of the cafeteria leaving Peter and Ellie to wonder how their good intentions had been so misconstrued and leaving Jade having no idea what had just happened.

“Either one of you want to explain to me what that was and why I’m apparently seeing the new installation by myself?”

Universal Homework...

Funny story about the Universe.

On Wednesday I made a Facebook post about your sphere of influence and would you be proud or embarrassed by what you put out there. Then I went to the grocery store and the Universe said, "Show your work."

I was unloading my groceries and there was a young man ahead of me. I started to catch the conversation he was having with the checker. 

"That's $42.16."

"I only have $30.00"

And so they started going through his things to see what he could take off. Off went the Dr. Pepper. But that wasn't enough. She suggested the Chinese noodles he had gotten from the deli. That would take the rest off he needed. He said, "That was going to be my lunch, but I guess."

So she took those off and his total was twenty nine dollars and some change. 

I got her attention and told her just to ring those up on my order. 

He first looked at me kind of horrified, like I was going to take his Dr. Pepper and noodles, then realized that I was paying for them and he could take them. He thanked me, I told him it was not a problem that we've all been there before and I was glad I could help him out. Then as he left he thanked me again and wished me a good day. 

Nice kid. Zero eye contact. Very uncomfortable speaking to me directly. But nice kid.  

What a good day at the grocery store, which I HATE going to the grocery store so anytime I can leave with a positive feeling that's...oh wait. I'm not done. 

The guy behind me in line had something to add. 

"You shouldn't have done that. Now he's just going to expect people to do that for him all the time. It's like feeding a stray dog."

Oh lord...now I'm not sure if all of you know my feeling on that particular analogy but for those of you that do know that Bad Denise stepped in without even a moment of hesitation from Good Denise getting out of the way. 

I smiled at him. "First off you did not just compare that young man to a stray dog because he didn't have the money to cover his groceries. And secondly, if there was a stray dog near me that was starving and I had the means to feed it I would. Because decent people don't let others starve."

"He wasn't going to starve. Those were luxury items he didn't even need."

So I looked at his groceries that were now on the belt. "Should I start labeling what you need and what you don't?"

He puffed out his chest. "I'm paying for this with my own money so it's nobody's business what I buy."

"And that was my money. It's none of your business what I buy with it."

"You could see how he kept looking back at us waiting for someone to pay for his things."

"What I saw was a kid who was clearly embarrassed to be short and was aware the line was backing up and that people were probably going to judge him. Which, clearly, they were."

"He conned you."

"Even if he did, what business is it of yours? Maybe pay attention to your own things and stop worrying about mine."

And then when he started to speak again I held up my hand in a stop motion. Man the huff he huffed at that. 

The checker finished checking me out smiled and said, "I won't ask you if you want to donate to the food drive since you already have." I smiled back and told her "We all need to help out when we are able. Sometimes it's just a lot more direct."

And as I was walking away he told the checker, "She was..." and the checker cut him off and said, "I think it was a nice thing to do."

So I left the store fairly ticked off. But also glad I could help out that young man. I've literally been the person taking things off my total to cover it. I've been the person at the gas pump putting in exactly $4.00 because I had exactly $4.00. I've been the person embarrassed to my core that I was broke. I'm glad he got to have his noodles, that I'm sure he had been looking forward to, and his Dr. Pepper. 

I'm glad the checker felt emboldened enough to shut that guy down again. Even though the vein in his forehead probably exploded over it. 

And I'm glad that I don't have a problem making my voice heard when I need to. Speaking up to cover the few dollars he needed. Speaking up to shut down the dude behind me. My sphere of influence on Wednesday was a different one than normal, but I hope I made a positive difference.

Even though when I got home and Brent looked at the grocery receipt he was bummed there wasn't actually Dr. Pepper and Chinese noodles for lunch. 

And when he heard the dude used the stray dog line on me and I didn't swear or punch him in the nose he gave me the appropriate virtual gold star. 

Overall it was a good trip to the grocery store. And the Universe was appeased.