Truth Telling?

"Is she aware of what she is saying?"

"I'm not sure what you mean by aware."

"Okay, maybe aware is the wrong word. Is what she is saying true? Is she actually telling us things that are true?"

The doctor made what could best be described as a noncommittal gesture. She didn't nod her head yes or shake it no. She sort of wobbled it back and forth. She didn't smile. She didn't frown. She held her mouth in almost a diagonal angle and did that crazy head wobble. "Maybe?"

"Maybe?"

"Well, yes, maybe. We don't really know. Are they memories from her life or are they memories from a book she read, or a movie she watched, or is she remembering a dream? We don't really know. What we do know is that she is still verbal, and that's a good thing."

"But if she's verbal about a fantasy world, that's not really good, is it?"

"It is. I know it's hard to see, but when they stop talking, when they retreat into their shell completely, that's when we've really lost them."

"But if she's not who she was then we've already lost her, haven't we?"

"Is she not who she was?"

"Well..." He paused. She looked the same, older, of course, but not much, not really. She had always been old in his mind so as he aged and she aged the change was the same. She still had the same smile. She still dressed the same. Her voice was the same. When she laughed it was the same laugh she'd always had. She looked like who she had always been but...

"You came in today to speak about concerns about your grandmother, you still see her as your grandmother."

"Yes, but, I just...she's not who she was."

"Yes, that is what happens. I understand it's a shock to you. You haven't seen her for a few months. It's a challenge when our loved ones age. Especially when there is the added layer of dementia. You feel as though she is a stranger looking out at you. But I assure you, this is still your grandmother."

"Maybe."

The doctor stood then and he knew he was being dismissed. "I do hope you will be able to come visit more often. She doesn't have anyone left now that your uncle has passed, God rest his soul, I know she would like the company."

He nodded. He had felt horribly guilty about not visiting sooner anyway. But she was living in the home in California and he was in Florida. It wasn't an easy trip. He had been planning on moving her to a home in Florida so she would be closer to his family. He could bring the kids to visit with their great grandmother and get to know her. But he hadn't wanted to move her without her permission. And without asking the doctors if it would be healthy for her. After all she might be aging, she might have been having issues, but she wasn't a piece of furniture he could just relocate without asking. But he had wanted her closer.

She had always been so wonderful when he was a child. Always full of adventures. She had been a widow at an early age. He never knew his grandfather. Nobody every talked about him at all. It was just her. And when the car accident took his parents she had been a rock. Standing with him at the funeral, holding his hand the whole way. She had been so steady. Convincing him that the money from the insurance wasn't dirty or cursed, that he should use it to pay off his student loans and buy his first restaurant. To marry the girl he loved. To start a fresh life. She had even been understanding when he decided to do all of that in Florida instead of California. She had nodded and said it was probably for the best.

And he came to visit often. Or at least at first. But then one restaurant turned in to two, then four. The kids came and they took up the rest of his time. He called once a month. Or at least he tried to. And her eldest son, his uncle, still lived nearby. He kept everyone up to date on her life and when the time came he helped move her in to the assisted living facility. Got her settled. Warned everyone that she was starting to "lose her faculties."

Lose her faculties. What an odd phrase for what met him when he came to see her.

Yes, she still looked like his grandmother. She still sounded like his grandmother, she still laughed like his grandmother. But...he hadn't been prepared. Not really.

He walked down the hallway to her room. Paused at the doorway and then walked in.

"Oh there you are! I thought maybe you had gone back to Florida."

She seemed like his grandmother.

"Sit, sit. I want to finish our conversation."

He sat. She looked like his grandmother.

"Where did I leave off? Oh yes, with your grandfather. And after I found out about the affair I spent 6 months planning how I would kill him. I think I could have done it in two, really, but it was my first and I wanted to make sure I did everything perfectly so I wouldn't get caught. When I decided that you could use the insurance money more than your selfish parents could help you it only took me 3 months to engineer the car accident. And your uncle? Spur of the moment! I think I'm getting better with age, wouldn't you agree?"

Oh god, she laughed just like his grandmother....