Today I want to talk about the evolution of my relationship with my sister. As I mentioned I was the good girl. I did what was expected of me and letting go of the past was what was expected. I didn't even talk to her about what happened between us until I was in my late teens and again in my early 20s.
Would it surprise you to know that within a few years of her getting clean she and I were very close? Even through the earlier years she was still my older sister and there was still a part of me that wanted to be like her. To have her like me. And when she stopped being so unpredictable it was easier to start forging a more normal sisterly relationship between us. Now don't get me wrong, we are still very different from each other and we still fought a lot and we still don't see eye to eye quite a bit of the time but it became more of a normal sibling situation. And we stayed really close until she and her first husband got together.
There was a stretch of time in my early teens where my parents started having a date night every Friday night and all of the siblings would have dinner together as well. Those are some of my favorite memories of all of us. My older brother and sister-in-law and my nephew who was just a baby at the time, my middle brother, my sister and me all at dinner laughing and enjoying each other's company. There was one night at dinner we were shooting the paper wrappers from our straws at each other and my older brother misses my younger one and the wrapped zings in to the back of the head of a guy sitting at a table behind us. He stands up and turns around expecting to see a group of kids messing around and my brother had to own up to it, now he was almost 30 by this time! Turning about 6 shades of red my brother apologized as we all tried our hardest not to pee ourselves laughing at him!
My family was and is still pretty tight. We would have these massive family dinners at holidays with all of us and all of the adopted family members as well. You know those "aunts and uncles" that you pick up through your life. My parent's best friends and their kids and the assorted friends that we added to the mix as well. Massive games of Uno and Spades were played. A lot of laughter around those tables and over those cards. This is a big part of why anyone reading the previous blogs would have been shocked to hear my story. There was no outward sign of it all. Everyone moved on from what happened and was relieved to be able to do so. And until I was older and dealing with the fall out I thought I had as well. It wasn't until much later that I saw how everything was tied together.
When I was 13 my sister was living in Dallas and talked my mom into letting me fly out to visit her for my birthday. Her roommate (whose name was also Denise) and I shared a birthday and they thought it would be fun to have me there for the celebration. I was thrilled and felt pretty grown up heading out there. I am staying in their apartment while Denise and my sister are out for the day at work and school. There isn't a lot of food there but I know that there is a grocery store within walking distance so I headed out to buy some supplies. I left a note on the counter and took off. Denise got home and didn't see the note and freaked out. She called my sister at work and then they both freaked out for a little bit. Now cut to me coming back and by this time they are both home and both more than a little concerned about my disappearing act. My sister is trying to figure out what she is going to tell my mom about losing me I am sure! :-) I walk in and my sister starts in on me about taking off without saying anything. I walk into the kitchen and show them the note and everything was fine. How is that for a change from the past?
But as life goes, if you don't deal with your issues they have a way of cropping back up over and over and over again. I didn't really understand why I felt the way I did about people but I knew I didn't trust anyone. Not fully. Now during that same trip to Dallas friends of my sister and Denise came over for dinner one night. I talked with one of the guys for awhile and we had quite a bit in common and he ended up asking me if I wanted to go see a movie and grab a coke. (being from the West coke is generic for any soft drink!) My sister encouraged me to go. I was 13 and he was probably 19. My first thought was that they had planned it to make fun of me. Like I would say sure and they would all laugh at the great joke, I mean why would someone that age be interested in dorky me? I told him no and spent the rest of the evening in my sister's room pissed off. It took a long conversation with Denise and my sister and then a phone call from the boy to convince me that it hadn't been a set up. I still turned him down in the end, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 and no matter that my sister said she wouldn't tell mom I was still the good daughter.
But that theme would happen over and over again. I didn't trust anyone and I didn't have a high opinion of myself. Tomorrow I will talk about how that ended up being a theme in my teen years and what I did to handle it. Crazy ahead. Be prepared.
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