Thursday, July 27, 2017

What are you trying to say??

The Universe is talking to me again. The problem is that it's telling me two different stories so I have no idea what it's really trying to say...

When we were on our cruise we bought the internet package for Brent. Any of you that are friends with him on Facebook can see from what he links that he reads a lot of newsy things. Those newsy things come daily as subscriptions. As we were going to spend our relaxation time reading we got the internet.

We figured out that I could use it as well, just not at the same time. So a few times a day I would log in and post a picture or my daily gratitude. I didn't stay on long. I was busy, it was keeping Brent off, I didn't really want to be. But I checked my notifications, anyone who was trying to talk to me I talked to. I posted those few things, I logged off. No big news. No reactions to big news.

The whole cruise was mostly politics free. There were a couple of over heard conversations but they all petered out as pretty much nobody wanted to spend their vacations thinking about politics.

I'm not going to lie. It was really nice.

In fact it was one of the first things Brent said when we got back. How nice it was to not hear about it all, all of the time.

We also spent time talking, as we do. And one of the things I talked about was feeling like I'm putting my energy in the wrong place. I'm investing too much of myself in things that I have no control over. For instance, politics. Like right now our Senate is getting ready to hold another vote on repealing our healthcare. I'm pretty sure this piece of legislation is going to pass. I also am more than sure that it's a bad idea. It's basically taking away a few sections of our current healthcare to make the ones that they keep worse. Premiums will jump. Planned parenthood will be defunded (understand that this is taking away medicare payments for health visits, abortion is already not funded). More people will be uninsured. It's a clusterfuck of massive proportions. And there is nothing I can do. I can't even FEEL like I'm doing something by calling my senators. My senators are already going to vote against it. But it will pass anyway. And I will watch as premiums rise and people are screwed.

And there is nothing I can do.

I've been reading my On This Day posts and lately they have been about the conventions from last year. It was through this time period that I was really starting to understand that a Trump presidency was more than a slight possibility. And I kept talking about it. And kept getting push back. From both sides. My conservative friends were convinced he wasn't what he was projecting. That he was just doing "a show" to get elected. My liberal friends were either sure he would lose, because come on, who would vote for him? Or, even more of them, wanted to argue about Bernie.

And I kept saying that anyone who was anti-Trump needed to vote in a way that made sure he wasn't elected.

And I kept getting told no.

Now here is where I think most of my friends were honest. I do think my conservative friends really thought that somehow he wasn't what he was presenting. Even though he was fully telling you who he was. They just couldn't believe it, so they didn't. Or they thought there was no way he was going to win, I mean, come on. That's crazy. Or if he did he would suddenly be hit with the enormity of the office and...umm...have a complete personality change?

My Bernie or Bust friends? Well I think they also honestly believed that Hillary would win. And then they could sit back and tsk tsk her but without any real consequence. "I am voting my conscience." "I will sleep well." Really? Because we are at the Or Bust part right now and A LOT of you are freaking out over what is happening. Though to be honest I don't see a lot of owning up. The Susan Sarandons, the Robert Reichs, the Shaun Kings of the world. The ones who gleefully promoted every piece of anti-Clinton news they could and then (in the case of the ones like Reich and King) couldn't understand why when they decided Clinton was okay their readers didn't. Sarandon held true to her or bust position the whole time. And still does. I roll my eyes.

Or bust sucks. And I just wish there was an admission that there was a mistake made somewhere. I get why there isn't. I really do. If you are a true believer and you make a mistake stepping back from it breaks a ledge you were standing on. All of a sudden you are on unstable footing. It takes too much to back off so you convince yourself that you are still on the moral high ground. You cannot possibly think that you did the wrong thing. You have invested too much in to the belief that you were right. If only people had listened...Bernie or Bust, man...

Healthcare. Military. LGBTQ rights. Russia. Chaos.

This is or bust.

Do I believe the Russians influenced the election? Oh yeah, I do. A lot of the or busters wanted to talk only about Wikileaks. Wikileaks worked with the Russians. So, yeah, they influenced the election. People voted 3rd party or didn't vote at all. Because her emails...because she was just as bad..because because because...And the whole time it was happening I was posting. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE BIG PICTURE...

But the Republicans voted for him hoping he wasn't actually who he was saying he was. The liberals didn't vote or voted for someone who had no chance of winning. And here we are...

And here I am again. Posting in to the wind. I cannot affect change. And I feel like I'm putting energy out there that isn't worth it. I told Brent yesterday that I was pretty sure I was done. I wanted to live on a cruise ship. Or a beach with bad internet. I wanted to pretend that none of this was happening and just move on.

Then last night I got a message from a friend who wanted me to know how grateful they were for my yelling in to the wind. That it meant something to them.

I know it's just one voice. But I also know there are a few others out there that listen when I yell. So maybe I am not wasting my energy. Maybe I am making a difference in my corner of the world. Maybe this was a message to keep plugging. Or maybe it wasn't. Because it really seemed like I should be going in the other direction. The Universe keeps talking, I just wish it would be a little more clear.

There's a whole other whine about writing to go with this theme, but this is more than enough waaaa for you to deal with.

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