Friday, February 10, 2017

You Mad, Bro?

I know I am not everyone's cup of tea. I am a strong cup of coffee for the most part. And though, I think, everyone wants to be liked more than disliked I am okay with people not liking me. I don't need you to like me. There is a pretty famous quote, "Your opinion of me is none of my business." Now, I would attribute that quote to someone but I can't find a definitive answer as to who said it first. It's been credited to Elanor Roosevelt, Deepak Chopra, Paulo Coelho and many others. So I won't say as so and so says, because I don't know that what I would share would be right so I won't say that. Which is one of the things that annoys other people about me. And I know that. But your opinion of me is none of my business. My business is to be me. And you can take that or leave it. That's your business.

This morning someone on my friend list posted a fairly standard passive aggressive Facebook post and I thought, "Hunh, I'm pretty sure that's about me." And it bothered me, for a little bit. I came to my usual conclusion on those things which is if you don't want to address the issue directly it can't really be much of an issue. I worked out and saw it again after that. Re-reading it I thought it probably wasn't about me after all because it would have been a wrong conclusion to make from the actions I took so it must have been directed at someone else.

Now that's why I say it was a fairly standard passive aggressive post. They are like horoscopes. Just vague enough that you can read in to them things that apply to you. Or that you think they think apply to you. But not specific enough that you would always be 100% accurate. They are tricky little things.

So I made my own post about it and ended with a joke, as is my way, and also a reason why I annoy a lot of people. In the discussion that followed I had a conversation with a friend on how she would have handled it, and she would have asked the person if it was about her. That's not my way. If you have a problem with me it's your responsibility to either get over it or tell me about it. Now I'm not saying that if you come to me and say, "I do not like the way you turn everything in to a joke." I will stop making jokes. But what I might do is make sure I tell fewer jokes around you. Or delete a post that you felt was inappropriate (if I made it on your timeline, if it was on mine I would kindly show you how to hide specific posts). I'm not going to change who I am to suit your needs, but I might, depending on how I feel about you, temper my personality around you at times.

But one of the things I told my friend is that I don't generally take things personally. If I am taking it personally and getting my feelings hurt then there is something going on that I need to pay attention to. This morning it was my breakfast hadn't caught up to me yet and I tend to lean toward hangry at those times. I also know that I am operating at half annoyed right now as soon as I hear the news for the day. So once my blood sugar leveled and I had some time to just walk I was fine again and didn't take the post personally. Don't take it personally. Most of the time it's not about you. Even if they say it's about you, it's not about you. It's about how they are reacting to you. Same goes for you when you are mad at someone else. It's not about them. It's about how you are reacting to them.

Don't get me wrong, there are people out there who will always get the reaction from me that I can't stand them. Even then it's not about them, it's about me. I am sure their mother loves them. I just don't.

You will be a much happier person in life if you do that one thing. Don't take it personally. Person ahead of you in the grocery line is rude? Don't take it personally. They probably had a really crappy day that started with a passive aggressive Facebook post and no time to go the gym. It's not about you. It took me a lot of years to understand that and I got so much happier on a day to day basis once I did. I highly recommend it.

And that is the other reason I don't generally confront someone over a passive aggressive post. I just can't take it personally. Not for long. I'm not going to court the drama and potential for a fight by asking. "No it wasn't about you but it begs the question why do you think it was??" Meh..if you are mad at me you need to address it with me. We have options. When I get mad at someone I make the choice, is it worth talking to them about this? And worth it can mean a few things, do I think it will make a difference? Do I think they will change their behavior? Do I think it will make either one of us feel better if I say something? Or is it really not on them but on me? Am I hangry? Am I hormonal? Am I bugged by something else so something that normally wouldn't bother me is bugging me? Is it temporary? Am I mad about a situation that isn't going to last? Why make a fight that can leave a permanent mark on a temporary inconvenience? Is this an area where we will never see eye to eye on so it's just best avoided all together?

It has to be important for me to take the fight. And there is a difference for me in a discussion or debate and a fight. I love to debate and discuss ideas. I am passionate about a lot of things, another thing people find annoying about me, and I will debate with people who hold equally passionate but opposite views. And as long as we are talking about the subject, even if the discussion gets heated, I don't take it as a real fight. It's a "fight." If you can't and it gets ugly then you fall in to the "I'm sure your mother loves you" category and poof... So I get mad. I do fight. I even stew sometimes. But then I get over it. Remember it was never about me. Stop taking it personally and move on.

Okay so here is my other confession on this subject. Not only do I know I am not everyone's cup of tea but sometimes it amuses me to go be coffee around them. Another reason why people find me annoying. I have people in my life that I annoy. Crazy right? I know that I annoy them. I can see in their reactions that I annoy them, and yet they stay. Now I get it, sometimes you sort of get stuck. You have too many friends in common and the person is just annoying not actually hateful so it would be A DEAL to dump them. Sometimes your mother would be mad at you for being rude in dumping a family member so you are stuck with them. Sometimes there are other redeeming qualities that balance out the totally annoying ones. So I get it. We all have people on our lists that aren't our favorites but are there for whatever reason. But if I know you've kept me yet I annoy you there are times I am doing that thing that you hate just because you hate it and your passive aggressive status really is about me and I am deeply and highly amused by that fact.

I am often a strong cup of coffee when all you want is tea.

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