I've waited and I've waited.
I've tried to help it along a little.
I've faked it.
I've ignored it thinking it would come on its own.
And now I just give up. It's not happening and I'm okay with that.
The Christmas Spirit is not visiting me this year.
It's just not here.
I don't know if it's the weather; we've had RAIN for 23 days in a row. Not our normal light rains but huge downpours. Flooding and muck and nastiness. The kind of rain that makes it unpleasant to go outside. So no urge to go see the Zoo Lights or go to the Grotto or even walk around downtown and look at decorations.
I don't know if it's because we traveled over Thanksgiving so we didn't have that holiday and then the Christmas kick off didn't happen. Normally we watch Christmas Vacation on Thanksgiving night and start decorating the house the day after Thanksgiving. We didn't come home until Sunday and then Brent and I both had colds so we were kind of low key, then we were doing something else, then finally it was two weeks before Christmas and I forced myself to decorate. But just a little. And only inside; see massive rain.
I finally convinced Brent that I am serious about not exchanging Christmas gifts and this year Christopher needed a laptop more than a random collection of things which means a bare tree. I decided last year that it was the last year for the Christmas Letter so I didn't do that. McDonald's didn't do their egg nog shake so we didn't do that. I didn't do extra baking this year. Brent has been traveling a lot and I have been struggling with my weight enough as it is. Didn't need to be alone with a dozen cookies in the house. So no extra Christmasy treats.
I'm not sure if it's because Christmas itself has become so polarizing. I cannot stand that whole War on Christmas nonsense. Never have been able to put up with it. It's manufactured outrage and it's stupid. It's just gotten worse and worse every year and now it's as much a marker of the season as Christmas Carols in October...
Tomorrow, as long as the weather co-operates, Christopher will come home and we will do our Christmas Eve traditions so maybe there will be a last minute appearance. But I'm not really counting on it. And I really will be fine with it. Maybe next year I will be feeling more festive. Maybe the break after what will surely be a horrible political season will be so filled with relief that it's over that I will be brimming with Ho Ho Hos. We will see.
For this year I'm okay with the fact that I will get a few days with my boys to hang out and eat good food and watch good movies and enjoy each other's company. No extra holiday spirit needed.
But you know, Merry Christmas to you, or whatever...