Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Two, 46, eight....

Here we are again....birthday blog time.

I've been doing this for a few years now. Almost didn't do it this year but then thought I would probably regret it if I didn't. Here is last year's blog, and in it are links to the previous years. And that's really part of why I almost didn't do it this year. A lot of what I spent my year working on are things I have spent the years previous working on. I seem to be on a track and no matter how many times I leave I go right back to my same circle. Working the same issues. Maybe with a different spin (so to speak) but really the same things.

I talked about how 44 was the year of feeling old. Well let me tell you that paled in comparison to getting the arthritis diagnosis at 45. Arthritis? What the heck? But yes, in my knees. The right knee especially. Physical therapy and rehab. I've made jokes about it, and the doctor did tell me it was pretty early onset. But it still makes me feel old when I listen to the creak creak grind as I walk up the stairs. Ugh.

Weight? Oh hell yeah, we are still dealing with weight. With two years spent on various IR lists I've gotten softer and softer and softer. I've tried the pep talk, "you look fine" I've tried the reasoning, "your boobs look really good at this weight you know" I've tried the logic "you are doing the best you can right now." But bottom line is that weight is still an issue. And I still fight the unhealthy urge to stop eating because I can't work out as much or as hard as I would like to. But the good news is I have been successful in fighting that urge, so maybe I have made good progress over the years after all.
Not quite at fighting weight, but still fighting my weight.

Writing. Well, I've tried to get to be more consistent writing and posting here. Still the mix of fiction and non-fiction. I sent in a couple of short stories again this year (first time I've told anyone) and heard....nothing. Still not making any headway there. Brent is still trying to convince me to self publish but I am much too lazy to go that route. Seriously. The level of self promotion you have to be willing to do shuts down my drive to write each and every time. I did do the NaNoWriMo challenge last November and put 50,000 words towards a story I had originally started here on the blog. And I have not looked at it since. I keep meaning to go back and edit and add to it, but it just seems so....Overwhelming? I don't know. Something about expanding it that quickly just made it somehow not mine. I know it needs serious work and probably a whole rewrite, and so I retreat back to my bar friends and let them comfort me with their simple short stories. Some day I will fix the other. But for now writing is still here. Just moving along slowly. But I still enjoy it, and I still feel like I have something to share so that's all good.

Parenting. Oh man. That was a big one this year. C's senior year. His broken ankle and the angst of not going to his rescue on that one. Then graduation and him entering the job search. Then him landing a job within two weeks of graduation and moving out. Not just off to school temporarily out but out out! What the heck? I'm not done with you yet! You are fun to hang around, we have summer to do stuff! You have ankle rehab and I have knee rehab and we are doing it together and adding back in hiking where we can hobble along together and it won't be so terrible got all grown and shit...
Yeah okay, that's actually pride there on my face. 

So for all of the "me, me, me" in that last section really what I felt and feel is proud of him. He did great in school. Good grades, good plans by adding classes he knew would help him in the job market, good impression on the people he worked with through school which led to a recommendation for a job interview which he nailed. Then settling in and starting to find his way in a new town. AND remembering to call his mother on her birthday before heading in to work this morning. Let me tell you how surreal that was. I was getting ready to head in to the gym when the phone rang. He was on his way to work and I was on my way to play. What a switch! But yeah, he's all grown now. Really and truly my job is just as back up support. And way way back up. Odd....

We also lost our dear sweet George this year. Okay, he wasn't really sweet, he was an ornery little shit at times, but he was my ornery little shit. Losing him was harder than I had really imagined it would be. We've decided (or I should say I've decided) that we are waiting a year before getting another pet. At least. Then I will decide what we do next. Brent says he will do whatever I want so for now we are waiting. 

And some of you might have also noticed there was no birthday month this year. After years and years of enjoying it, the past few years have been spent explaining it so often that it sort of sucked the joy out. And one of the things I did decide (you remember from August challenges) was not to do things that aren't me anymore. And not joyful is not me. So birthday month didn't happen. It might come back again, it might not. But it just wasn't working for me this year so my low key birthday became even more so.

Which led to this circular blog. Still dealing with old things working toward new things. What will 46 bring? Who knows but I would guess writing, weight and what to do with myself now that the nest is well and truly empty will feature large. 
And looking back to look forward...

See I got all artistic and shit with that last one...

And I know that this post is a bit melancholic for a birthday post but it's my birthday and I'll reflect if I want to...
(double pun for the picture! Boom!!!)

Bring on 46.

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