"Did your phone come with a camera?"
"They all come with a camera now. Seriously, when was the last time you updated your phone?"
"Okay, it's been awhile. But I know it's time. What about all of the things I have on this phone? Like my contacts and pictures and things, can they transfer them over to a new phone?"
"Maybe. You will have to ask the salesperson. They've always been able to transfer my things, but I didn't wait five years between phones to upgrade, so I'm not sure if that will make a difference."
"Okay. How about phone messages? Will those transfer?'
"I don't think those are actually stored on the phone, I'm pretty sure you are just accessing them from your phone. So as long as you don't change carriers or phone numbers those should be fine, just double check when you make a decision."
"Okay. I think I know what I want to get then. I just want a plain phone but with a camera. I don't need one that does games and web-surfing and all of that stuff. I just need it to make a phone call and to have a camera."
"Okay, come on now, how old are you? You sound like my mother, no wait, my grandmother! Look, get a smart phone, it will honestly change your life. You know how bad you are at directions? You can get one with a map program that will give you turn by turn directions just like a GPS in your car. You know how much you hate waiting in line? You can download a game to play or a book to read and the time will go by before you know it. You can check Facebook, or Twitter or send an email, or a text. Just join the rest of us in the present day. We've missed you while you stubbornly hung on to the 90s. Join us...the water's fine."
"I don't use Twitter, I don't like to text. I haven't been on Facebook in months, I can print a map. I always have a book in my purse. Why would I need a phone to do all of that for me? I wouldn't even be replacing this one except the case is cracking."
"You just hate change. That's all this is. But trust me, just do it. You will be glad that you did. And you haven't been on Facebook in months? Seriously? When was the last time you were on?"
"I went on like 5 months ago. I changed my relationship status and got 4 dozen 'Oh no...I thought you two were meant for each other' messages. I couldn't bear another one so I haven't logged on since."
"Are you still not over it?"
"Oh, no, I'm totally over it now. But once I didn't log on for a few weeks I started to feel guilty that I was ignoring everyone and then the longer I was off the worse I felt about suddenly popping back on and then it just seemed like it was too late to do it now. But I'm totally over the breakup. Moving along in life. Life is good. I am getting a new phone!"
"Oooohhhhkay....not sure that getting a new phone means totally over it but it's better than shaving your head and joining a monastery, remember when that chick Sandra from college did that? People are so weird."
"Yes, they are.
Excuse me? Sir? I think I'm ready to pick out my new phone. I want one with a camera and I need to transfer all of the contacts and pictures and phone messages from my old phone to my new one."
"I can help you with all of that. Contacts and pictures are easy. Phone messages are automatically stored in our system for six months so those you will have access to just the same as you do now."
"Wait, what do you mean, for six months? If I don't delete them won't they always just be there?"
"Well no. After six months they automatically delete. If they didn't clear out the system on a timely basis the storage needs for all of those voice mail messages would be enormous.
Miss? Miss? Is she okay?"
"Hey, wait up! Where are you going? You were going to get a new phone remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I will. I just needed some air and to sit down. And get some air and sit. I'll be fine. I think I must have locked my knees while we were standing there talking. Sorry, I'll be fine in a minute, I just need air. And to sit. Just give me a second here okay?"
"Okay, look, I'm going to go back in the shop and pick out a couple phones I think you will like and you can come back in and look at them once you are feeling a little better okay?"
"Yeah, sure...that would be awesome. I will be there soon. Just give me a minute."
"Please enter your password....You have one saved message. Message sent Five months, three weeks and two days ago. To play message press one."
"Hey, um, it's me. We need to talk. Give me a call back, okay?"
"To save message press 1. To delete message press 2..........."