Thursday, September 10, 2015

New Bar...

Carrie was flipping through Facebook pictures on her phone, "Look at this one! Just look at it!"

Trae smiled, "I see it. Doesn't change anything, but I see it."

Dave was confused, "What would it change? What's up?"

Carrie put her phone down and practically shouted, "Trae broke up with Greg!"

"Seriously? I thought you guys were really happy? What happened?"

Carrie gestured to her phone, "See? That's what I was doing. Look at all of those pictures. Just smiling and relaxed and so freaking happy. Now tell him why you broke up with Greg. Just tell him!"

Trae shrugged, "I was going to but you interrupted."

"I'm not interrupting now go ahead, tell him! I swear, Dave, you are going to die. This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Tell him. Go ahead."

Dave handed Carrie her drink, "Here take a drink, take a breath, let the woman talk. Okay, why did you break up with Greg?"

"I didn't have an opinion on the Iran Nuclear Deal."

Carrie looked at Dave and smirked, "See?"

"Okay, wait, you broke up with Greg because you didn't have an opinion on the Iran deal? I am more lost than normal. You guys seemed really happy. I don't understand how this works?"

"We were really happy. Just happy. Peaceful. Placid. It was so important to be happy with Greg that I made that more important than anything else."

"Yeah? And? Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Look at this picture," Carrie pulled up another of the seemingly endless Trae and Greg shots, "Look at you two! You are blissful."

"I know. I was. Blissful. Blissed out. Vacant."

"Ah, vacant, now that's not a happy word." Dave made a carry on motion with his hand, "Now we get to the real story."

"After Carl," with the mention of Trae's boyfriend before Greg both Dave and Carrie shuddered and made faces, "Yes, Carl, get it all out of your systems, after we broke up I just wanted to be happy for awhile." Carl and Trae had been one of those couples that had zero common ground. The only thing they ever agreed on was that they loved each other. But nobody could understand why. Politically, philosophically, musically, food preferences, book choices, you name it they disagreed. Passionately. Frequently. When the break up inevitably came nobody but Trae and Carl was surprised.

"Everything with Greg was just so easy. So smooth. We liked the same things, we liked going to the same places. We liked each other. We just had so much fun."

"Well then, of course you should break up with him. I mean if it's not a painful forced march every day like it was with Carl then why do it?" Carrie practically snorted.

"Nothing about Greg was challenging. Nothing forced. You're right. He is completely different than Carl. In the beginning when we were getting to know each other if someone in the group would bring up politics he would just sort of tune out. He said he didn't want to fight with anyone so why pay attention to things he couldn't change. Life should be fun and easy. Which sounded so good to me right then. And I was so scared of it not being easy that I stopped asking big questions. I stopped looking for the deep discussions. You know? Everything was easy and smooth, why mess it up by talking about politics? Do you know I don't even know if Greg is religious? We just never talked about it."

"Okay so you guys hadn't gotten to the deep discussion yet, I am not seeing why you broke up with him instead of just having those talks?"

"We dated for over a year, Dave. And never talked about anything deeper than what station to put on the radio for the drive. He's lovely, he's awesome, he's great, but he's not a deep thinker. I wasn't me with him. And I didn't even realize until someone asked me my opinion on the Iran deal and I didn't have one. Nothing. I hadn't paid enough attention to a major news story to even have an inkling of what I thought. And once I realized I had no opinion on that I tried to name who was running for president and I couldn't come up with any past the three getting the most news."

Carrie sat back, "Okay, yeah, well that is weird for you."

"See? I was so determined to be happy I wasn't being myself. And when I stopped and really looked around I realized I'm not happy. Not really."

Dave pushed her drink closer, "Self medicate. It's what the rest of us do."

Trae laughed, "I think that's what I was doing. I was keeping myself happyish. I was content with Greg, but he was my drug. See? He was like a lovely comforting dose of painkiller. He made the rough edges fade away. But I was losing more and more of me in those edges. I am rough edges. Once you smooth me out there isn't much left."

Carrie smirked, "That's true...."

"So how did he take it?"

"The way he takes everything. It's cool. Life's an adventure. Find your bliss. Do what makes you happy. It's been fun."

"Wow, that seems a little..."

"Distant? Disconnected? Yeah, that's the whole point. It's all surface and skim. He will be really happy with someone else within the week. And someday he will find someone who wants to skim through life with him. I'm just not that person. It was fun while it lasted but I have to say I'm glad to be awake again."

"Okay, I sort of get it. But look at this," Carrie held up one last shot of Trae and Greg. They were standing on a beach with the sunset behind them. Smiling at each other over coconut shell glasses. "You two were seriously so cute together."

Trae reached out to pat Carrie's shoulder,"It's okay, honey, you'll get over him someday."

Dave laughed,"Well now that we've covered Carrie's big breakup," Trae laughed and Carrie sighed and turned off her phone, "How do you feel about the Iran deal?"

Trae leaned back and flexed her fingers, "Well, let me tell you...."

As Trae and Dave talked about the deal Carrie watched her friend. The smiles with Greg were lovely but Carrie had to admit the spark she had right now really was better. So much for happyish...

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