I believe too...

Part One: I believe...

Part Two:

"Hi, I'm Bob, and I'm a drug addict."

"Hi, Bob."

"I always like that part." (laughter) "So first off, Merry Christmas. I would guess most of you are here because you really need a meeting today. I can understand that. I'm here because I run this meeting every year. Today is my anniversary. It's been 22 years since I last used cocaine." (applause) "Thank you. So today we're talking Step 3. Turning our lives over to god as we understand him. The higher power step. Now I'm going to tell you a little secret, we are in the place for that after all."(laughter) "My higher power is Santa Claus." (laughter) "No really. Santa Claus.

The last day, the bottom of the barrel day was Christmas 22 years ago. I had gone to midnight services with my family the night before and then ducked out to 'pick something up at the store'. They all knew that the odds of me coming back weren't good. And the odds of me coming back straight were slim to none. My mother pulled me over to the side and told me if I went out and got high to not come back to the house that day. She wouldn't have me around the rest of the family like that. She had to think of her grandchildren. Now this just set me off. My father had been an alcoholic the entire time I was growing up and she had never seemed concerned about him being around us, but now all of a sudden I wasn't good enough to be around her precious grandchildren? Well fuck that. I didn't need any of them anyway. So I went to a bar to get a quick drink to take the edge off. I would show her I was just fine. Logical right? Instead of getting high I would get drunk and that, that my friends would show her." (nods all around)

"So after a couple of drinks I decided that what difference did it matter anyway? I wasn't going back to my mother's house that day so I might as well do what I wanted. I headed downtown. Found a friend who was looking for a party. Hey I was also looking for a party so yeah, come on along!" (laughter) "My new friend knew someone that was selling, which was great because she and I used up the stash I had pretty quickly. She made a call and we set off to meet up with him. Now by this time it's Christmas morning. I'm feeling sorry for myself and getting a little anxious waiting for her dealer to show up. We are walking around waiting. And I'm doing the junkie math in my head. I've got $150 in my pocket. She was going to want to get paid, he was going to want to get paid and it was 6 days until pay day so I need something to live off of as well. Now you all know how junkie math works right? You take what you have subtract the money you need for drugs and then panic because you have nothing left and need more drugs." (laughter) "I knew we had some former math majors in here.

"So while my new friend and I are waiting I hear this little voice. It's a kid. She's sitting on the stoop of the rescue mission talking to herself. Then I realize she isn't talking to herself, she's talking to her doll. She is telling her doll how sorry she is. How she's sorry she said she wished she hadn't gotten the doll for Christmas but she had asked Santa for the money just so she and her mother would have a place to live. She telling the doll how sorry she is that she isn't good enough. How she couldn't stop her father from drinking or beating her mother but that she would be good to her doll. It's okay wipe your tears, we're all friends here. Right then I knew I had a bigger choice to make than how much I could spend on coke and the party girl and still eat tomorrow. I saw myself sitting out there. Nursing a black eye from dear old dad. And I thought, well nobody rescued me. And then I thought again. Nobody rescued me.

I looked over to my new friend thinking about how she was going to react when I told her what I was going to do and saw the tears in her eyes. I knew then that she would be on board.

We walked over to that darling angel and introduced ourselves as Mr. and Mrs. Claus. I gave her the money she had asked Santa for, along with a pretty good story as to why it was late, one thing we are good at is telling stories, right?" (laughter) "And then when she went inside to get her mother I came to my senses. A junkie and a hooker on your stoop on Christmas Day isn't really the miracle most people are looking for. We left a note for her and hid in the alley. Watching her mother break down and cry and hold that child...that was my turning point.

I did go to my mother's house that day, and she drove me to rehab that night. And every year I remember and I retell. Christmas miracles take a lot of forms. And your higher power can be what you need it to be. But for me, I believe in Santa Claus."