Monday, December 27, 2010

I resolve to...

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I am not sure if it's because I am in a constant state of change so resolving to change would be redundant. Or if it's because I know that most people make these grandiose change declarations and then give up on them within a few weeks so why set yourself up for failure. Or if it's because I hate going with the crowd. I think it's probably more to do with the season.

My big drive for massive change hits at two times each year. Late spring and late summer. I tie these back to school age times. Every spring I would think about what I wanted to accomplish over the summer. Usually it was big things like, get a tan, lose some weight, get a great wardrobe for back to school. I have no idea why I thought one summer would be different from the last and that I would all of a sudden be able to tan my lighter shade of pale skin, lose the weight that wasn't fat but was just me or get the money for that wardrobe. But I had BIG PLANS every summer to do just that. And every August as it was time to go back to school I went back with my pale skin, my curves and my second hand clothes.

Then the second round of resolutions would hit. This year would be different! I would apply myself! I would go to ALL of my classes, EVERY day! I would work hard, study hard, live up to my full potential! I would stop writing my papers for Honor's English the period before! I would...wait...every day? All of the classes? Even the boring ones? That one would last about a week, sometimes less. My junior year I didn't even make it to all of my classes on the first day. It was my birthday! What was I supposed to do?

So now I don't tend to make resolutions at all, but I do feel the pull for change those times of the year. April was when I decided to lose weight two years ago. August was the first 365 Day Challenge and now the "published before I'm 43" challenge. And really aren't those the same resolutions I have always made? Lose weight over the summer, live up to my potential in the fall? Interesting how no matter how much we think we have changed we are still living our old patterns half the time.

But I am still watching my friends as they all work on their resolutions for 2011. Health and money seem to be the big ones. People want to have more of both. I wish everyone luck! The desire to change is the first step towards change. So even wanting to lose weight, stop smoking, get to the gym, write that novel just the wanting to parts...those are good first steps! Now just decide how to take the second and third ones.

Oh and as for that other big change time of year? I always tell everyone what I am giving up for Lent are my New Year's Resolutions!

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