Things That Help...

Remember how I talked about how we kept some of the things from the pandemic? 

Today I was able to attend a funeral through an online feed. That's pandemic carry forward. When people were dying in large numbers and we also were not able to join together for things like funerals. Virtual funerals were held. 

When my mother died my niece held up her phone on a video call for one of my nephews to see what was happening. That was pre pandemic. We would never have thought to set up a live stream, or a zoom call, or Microsoft meetings, or any of the tools we all use now fairly regularly to connect with others. Either for work, or socially. It was just an "old fashioned" video call. And there were people there who thought it was the weirdest thing, and a few who thought it was disrespectful. But it was the only way he could attend so they made it happen. 

I attended a few funerals virtually during the pandemic. And a few remembrances. Things that weren't the funeral, more like the wake. And as the time went on we all figured out how to make them work. The first one was a zoom call very early on, and it was a bit of a mess. I'd never done a zoom call, and a few others hadn't either. This was our first exposure to the way people had been having work meetings for the past few months. It was challenging, but we figured it out. 

Today all I had to do was click a link from the funeral home and there was a camera set up for viewing, and microphones set up to hear the proceedings. 

I'm glad that the option was there. If it hadn't been I would not have flown in for the funeral. I was friends with the deceased but we weren't close friends. We were friendly, a touch more than acquaintances. He made a difference in my life, I was grateful for the help he offered, and for the silly jokes we shared. But my presence wouldn't have meant much to his family, I don't think. In the "before times" my name would have been one on a condolence card where they asked themselves, do you know her? And at some point maybe a mutual acquaintance would say, oh yeah that's...

But instead I could attend the funeral, stand at the back, say my goodbyes, and leave quietly. 

Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. And I was glad to get a chance to hear his family speak. To listen to people who loved him describe the person that I thought I knew. To smile at the music choices and the reading that meant something to him. (Nine Inch Nails, a passage from Ready Player One, and Guns N' Roses) I was glad to have a chance to say goodbye. 

But all that being said, I am not having a funeral. 

I don't want to put Brent though it. It wouldn't mean anything to me, and I know it would be overwhelming to him. Most of my friends are scattered across the country, and a few across the world. They could do a livestream, like today, but even that would be a lot for Brent to deal with during a time when you don't want to deal with anything. 

I've told people, and I'm telling you now, to honor me I want you to lift a glass and toast my shoe and boot collection. Mention how young and thin I always looked. Talk about a moment where I made you laugh at something completely inappropriate to laugh at. And then say goodbye. Those are my wishes. 

So sad day for me, but nothing like what his family and close friends are experiencing. And also a grateful moment for me that I could be there, without being there. 

Rest in peace, gentle soul, love to your wife, to your children, to your siblings and parents. May they find moments of calm in the storm that they have been hit with.