Ish Then...

Okay, after all of the back and forth in my head I've finally decided. I'm not leaving Facebook. Ish. I mean I'm leaving Facebook. Ish. I'm totally ishing.

The Terms and Services changes saying they can use my posts in perpetuity really bothers me. So clearly I cannot stay.

But the majority of my social circle is there. So clearly I cannot leave.

The Terms and Services changes saying that this is the last time you have a choice in being notified of changes and leaving really bothers me. So clearly I cannot stay.

But there are companies that I deal with who have moved almost their entire customer service department to Facebook messenger. So clearly I cannot leave.

Zuck has shown that he will not be any sort of bulwark against the onslaught of mis and dis information coming from the new regime. He's already bent the knee and shown his belly. So clearly I cannot stay.

But I have family that I only "see" on Facebook or Instagram. There are grands growing up that this is the place where pictures and stories are shared. I have family members who would never think to send a text or a letter but do occasionally post about new things in their lives. I would miss all of that. So clearly I cannot leave.

I have friends who are the same way. Some of them have migrated to Bluesky, but aren't as active. And as they aren't leaving Facebook or Instagram they never will be. Some of them live in different countries, or different time zones, or just different circadian rhythms, so connecting in real time is hard. Back and forth writing to be read when we are each awake works. Messenger works for that. So clearly I cannot leave.

My child is trans. I don't have a single picture of her growing up on display in my house. It causes her discomfort to see that little boy looking out at her. She doesn't feel connected to him at all. That's not who she is. But I have different memories of those times. I have a different experience. And on my On This Day page I get to see some of those things. Privately. Just for me. Without hurting her feelings. So clearly I cannot leave.

I have friends and family members who used to be on Facebook or Instagram who aren't anymore. Either by making the choice to leave, or because they are no longer living. I have memories that come up with those people on my On This Day feed. Or under pictures when I go back and look at them. As soon as I delete my Facebook page those are gone. So clearly I cannot leave.

As you can see the clearly I cannot leaves started to overtake the clearly I cannot stays. But it still doesn't feel right to stay. I will say that. I actually hate that I feel tied to the product in the way that I am. It's like tangle weed. The more you struggle the worse it gets.

I tried really hard to make it okay in my head to go. People will either follow me to Bluesky or won't. People will either text or they won't. As far as people who are gone? Well that's a normal part of life, isn't it? We lose friends and family all the time. And when we lose them we lose those old conversations. If we are lucky maybe we have a letter or two, we have a couple from Brent's dad that I treasure. But most of the time we don't.

I don't have any letters or notes from my parents. I have my dad's ring and one of his belt buckles, and his voice in my head telling me how to fix things. I have a few of my mother's owls and her voice in my head and her face in my mirror. We have all of Ann's patient records so I guess if we wanted to break her confidentiality we could go read those. We did see her patient notes on one client and it was pure Ann even as a therapist.

I go between begin grateful that I have the things on Facebook that I have and being resentful that the person/company that owns it is so gross. And it's my fault really. Not that he's gross. That's on him. But that I went along with it all. I even would post about it, free products aren't free. If you aren't being charged for a product you are the product. And I didn't really care. I didn't care that they were advertising to me. I've even bought things from those ads and been happy with them.

But each step in was a warning that I did not heed.

And now I'm a frog in a hot tub choosing to stay there.

Ish.

The ish is that I will not be deleting my accounts. But I won't be posting on them either. At least for now. I might change my mind later, but for now I will keep my posting to Bluesky. I do believe that anything that is on there right now Meta has already mined for whatever they want. I don't trust them or believe them that they will only start on January 1, 2025 after I log in for the first time.

The ish is that I will be using it only to keep up with friends and family and commenting on their things. Using messenger as needed to keep up with them. But my posting will be elsewhere. My new things will be elsewhere. If people want to see what's going on in my life they can follow me there, or read about it here.

Which should, after all this time, actually do that thing I keep trying to do, and reduce my time online. Bluesky is quieter right now. I imagine it will stay that way. Habits are hard to break. And most people don't give a rat's ass about what Facebook will do with their data. Nobody feels important enough for it to matter. And we aren't. Not individually. It's what they can do with large amounts of data from large groups of people that is more worrisome. But... ish.

Facebook has me trapped in a cage I built myself. With posts, photos, conversations, memories. I just can't bring myself to destroy what I've built.

Ish.

But the blog will live here Ghost now, it's honestly a better solution and I should have moved it ages ago. New posts, mostly cat pictures because that's my life, will be on Bluesky.

I'm not leaving.

I'm leaving.

Ish.