Trick or Treat...

"You can't knock on the doors if they don't have their porch light on."

"Why not?"

"Because that means they aren't giving out candy."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, because they don't want to?"

"But it's Halloween. They have to."

"They don't have to. Only people who want to give out candy."

"But it's Halloween."

"Some people don't celebrate Halloween."

"But it's trick or treat. If they don't want to give out treats then they get tricks. You can't just not do it."

"We don't trick anyone."

"What?"

"We don't trick anyone. If their lights are on, we knock. We say trick or treat and they give us candy. Then we say thank you and leave." 

"Where does the trick come in?"

"I told you. We don't trick anyone."

"Then why don't we knock and say Candy Me! and then leave?"

"Because that would be kind of rude."

"More rude than turning your light off and not taking the trick if you don't want to treat?"

"Well yes. We have to let people choose."

"Trick OR treat is a choice. That's the whole point of the or."

"But that's not really what we are doing."

"That just seems dumb. It's trick or treat. Not light on or off. Not we have to say a stupid thing that doesn't even mean anything."

"So does that mean you don't want to go?"

"No, I'm still going. But I'm not saying trick or treat if there is no possibility for a trick."

"Fine, just say Happy Halloween then, how about that?"

"Maybe."

----------

I did not go trick or treating as a little kid. We did the Harvest Festival at church and when we would get home from that the Great Pumpkin would have been by the house and left a treat for me. Usually it was a toy/candy thing with a clear plastic body with a jack o'lantern head that was filled with little candy sprinkles. I have no idea where my parents found them as I've never met anyone else who ever got one. But that was my Halloween for years. (Okay, I just looked it up online and they are selling them on ebay...as vintage. Ouch!)

The first time I ever went trick or treating was my freshman year of high school when I took my nephew out but, because I never went trick or treating I had no real idea what it was about. And because we were always at the Harvest Festival at church we didn't get trick or treaters at the house either so I had no idea what was expected of us. Did we need to be prepared for either a trick or treat? Was our house in constant danger of being egged? I just didn't know. 

So when I took Brian out I was really excited to see what it was all about.

And then I was sort of disappointed. I mean he looked super cute and managed the Trick or Treat and the Thank You! really well. And I was in costume so a few people gave me candy as well even though I had no way of carrying it so it just went in Brian's bucket. Which I ended up carrying after about the third house anyway... But it just wasn't all that great. 

When Katie was little Brent was the one to take her around to houses while I stayed home and doled out the candy. She seemed to enjoy it even though she didn't really like candy all that much so I'm not sure what the thrill was. I guess gift with purchase love runs deep in her bloodline. 

A few years ago at the townhouse I just gave up. We never got very many trick or treaters and so I just turned off the porch light and closed up shop. We went from the super decorated house just begging for kids to the dark porch leave me alone space. And it didn't make much of a difference in the number of kids in our area wandering from house to house. 

This year is the first year in the new place. We didn't decorate but we do have candy to hand out. We have absolutely zero idea if we will get any kids or not. But we are prepared. Not tricks for us. 

But there are never tricks. 

It's all a scam. 

The first kid who comes to the door and says Candy Me! Gets the whole bucket full. Just for honesty...

Stuck in the Office...

"She never DOES anything. Just sits and smokes."

Janice took an extra long drag off her cigarette and blew it out in Freda's direction. "Whiner."

"See? And she's not even bothered that she doesn't do anything! I have to pick up all of the slack. I'm moving chairs, I'm closing curtains, I'm turning off all the lights."

"I guess you should have negotiated your contract better."

"How? How is 'do nothing but smoke cigarettes' in your contract?"

"Just lucky I guess."

"Ladies, please. We all do our share. Teamwork makes the dreamwork right? Freda, I know you don't think it's true but Janice contributes a lot. You don't always see how every piece fits into a puzzle if you are focused too much on your own edges. We are a giant forest and each tree is important."

"Anymore trite corporate sayings you'd like to lay on us, Betsy? I mean I bet there is a thousand foot view you're missing."

"Janice, I'm trying to be supportive of you. You could try not being such a..."

"Watch out, Betsy, you might get a visit to HR if you finish that sentence."

"Fine. Gary? Gary, what are you doing today?"

"Same as every day, Betsy. I'll be standing over here by the thermostat making sure it's not ever a comfortable temperature in here."

"And you were worried about my smoking."

Freda sighed. "I swear I'm the only one actually DOING anything."

"It takes a village..."

"Shut up, Betsy!"

---------

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like bickering."

"Oh great, you promise me a haunted building and the best you can give me is ghostly bickering?"

"Oh holy shit...can you smell that?"

"Fuck...that's a cigarette isn't it? Like fresh smoke? Holy shit...it is haunted!"

---------

"Stop smirking, Janice, it's rude."

November...Oh November...

This is the time of year where my On This Day memories fill up with plans for NaNoWriMo. I've done it three times. Did it differently for all three only once following the "rules" for NaNo. Shocking, I know. And I SWORE the last time I did it would be the LAST time I did it. 

It's hard. It's draining. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that I really like to write but I don't want to invest in the business of writing. That having that published book that I thought I really wanted wasn't actually all that important to me. And NaNo is geared toward getting that book done. Getting that first draft underway. So there is no reason to do it. 

It's also a really hard time of year to get it done. It used to be that Brent would travel for a week every November to Super Computing. So I would always bake that extra time in and aim to finish before Katie got home for Thanksgiving. I didn't want to be tied to a word count when I could be spending time with her. So I would push to get those 50,000 words in by November 20th. And every year I would think, oh wow, I didn't actually write all that much more while Brent was gone...

And now he doesn't even go to Super Computing. And he works from home a few days a week and it's hard for me to write when he's home. I feel like I'm bothering him. Even though he SWEARS it doesn't bother him. But I type fast and hard so I know it has to bug him a little. And sometimes it's hard for me to tune him out as well. Corporate buzz words are the bane of creative thought...

So there is no way that NaNoWriMo would be a good thing this year.

But...

This is only the 90th piece I've written all year. And of those pieces only around a dozen have been fiction pieces. 

So...

I mean NaNo gets you going right? I mean once you set that goal you force choke the words out to make it. 

And it's been five years since I've done it so maybe I'm just remembering it as being harder than it really is. I mean, I did it three times so obviously I can totally do it.

And I wouldn't be trying to write a novel. I mean, that ship has sailed. I made peace with that a long time ago. I could do what I did the last time I did NaNo and just make it every single word I write. Fiction, nonfiction, poetry, everything that could be a blog was a blog and that worked. 

I mean this is around 500 words so far so I just need to do this 100 more times. 

ONE HUNDRED MORE TIMES.

It's an average of 1667 words a day. Which means I'd need to write three times this length, every day. Including weekends and Thanksgiving and the week Katie is home for the holiday and all the days that Brent is working here in the office all while still running the house and working out and playing with the cats and getting the house FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED and...

It's a ridiculous idea. So...

No, I'm not doing it. But...

You knew there would be a twist. 

I'm going to do my own thing. 

So not so much of a twist as business as usual.

NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month. Not going to happen.

But...

WriSoMoNo: Write Some More Now. That's what's up.

I'll figure out my rules by Monday and put those up. Thinking I'll aim for 25,000 words, maybe 30,000 if I'm feeling industrious. Split them somehow between fiction and nonfiction. Maybe set the number of days each week I am writing. I need some prompts or ideas for what to write about. I don't want all of them to be angry how the fuck did you vote that way pieces but I would guess there will be at least a few of those. 

 So yeah, NaNoWriMo is dead. Long live WriSoMoNo!

Did She Know?

It's always been of much debate in my household if she knew what she was going to say before she said it. 

We watched the news conference, like everyone else. It was going to be the moment where there was compromise met. When the years of fighting would stop. It was going to be historic.

Of course it was still historic.

Clearly my mother was in the camp that she knew what she was going to say before she said it. My mother seemed to know what she was going to say, so why would she believe it hadn't been planned all along? When we asked her why she had always been sure how the news conference would end, what would be said, she told us, "Because it is the way things go."

Which didn't really tell us much. 

But she was right. 

It is the way things go. 

My brother thought it was spur of the moment. That she was taken over by emotion. That if she had thought about it longer, thought about the repercussions, she wouldn't have said what she did. My older sister told him that of course that's what he would think. And of course that's why it happened. 

He didn't like that. 

She didn't care.

I always wondered why she agreed to the press conference in the first place if she knew what she was going to say at the end? 

My mother said it was hope. She had to agree to it because she had to have a sliver of hope that they would honor their word and it would end better. And if she hadn't been there they could have lied, again, about what was negotiated, what was agreed on. They could have painted her as the liar and say she did not negotiate in good faith. 

My mother didn't think she negotiated in good faith because they only had bad faith to offer her. 

I remember watching the news conference. Watching them talk about what was agreed on. The terms that they had come to. I remember thinking how odd that she would agree to something like that. I must have said it outloud because my mother said, "look at her face, watch her eyes." and you could see it then, very clearly. This is not what she had agreed to. This is not what they had negotiated. 

Why would they lie? Why would they come to an agreement then announce something different? Why would they do it and expect her to go along with it?

My mother said because that's the way things go. 

She was right. That is the way things go. 

My mother pushed the buttons that closed the storm shutters, pulled the metal gates over the doors and windows. The ones that protected the house against almost all outside storms. She opened the gun cabinet and unlocked all of the weapons. 

My brother asked why she was doing that. 

She held up her hand to quiet him and continued watching the news conference.

And they talked about the agreement. How she had agreed that things would go back to the way they were. How she had agreed that they really did know best. We watched her face and her eyes. They kept talking and smiling then one of them called her to the microphone to say, "Yes I agree." 

Why would they expect her to do that?

Because that's the way things go. 

They were so used to getting their way that when they decided that all of the negotiations were just words, words that they could change, when they decided that the world would keep benefiting them, and only them, they believed it to be true. They had to have believed it to be true or they wouldn't have called her to the microphone.

"On this day. This historic day, we all come together in agreement and peace."

And they handed her the microphone. 

And she smiled.

And they relaxed and patted each other on the backs for a job well done.

And we watched her face and looked at her eyes as she looked into the camera and said, "Burn it all down."

Personally Political...

I've written about this before. That I don't understand people who cry about losing friends over politics. "I don't understand why everything has to be so political!" or "I have a lot of friends with different points of view and I would NEVER break that friendship over politics."

Good for you.

I mean it. 

How lovely for you to not believe in anything enough for it to matter.

Must make life a lot easier. 

Because that's really what that is. It's knowing that no matter how someone votes you are going to be fine. I know it drives conservatives crazy to hear the word "privilege" but that's what it is. If nothing on the ballot is going to personally change your life, or the lives of someone you love, then you have the privilege of not being bothered by it all. Of not having to care about it very much. Of being just completely puzzled over friends dropping friends over how they vote. 

How lovely for you.

My life is not that life. Especially right now. Trans people (let's be more blunt; trans women, trans men are rarely mentioned) are the target of the conservative machine right now. They do not want you to pay attention to their actual policies and ideas so they've given you a scapegoat to target. They've added to their ongoing list of immigrants, socialist, marxists and satanists as scary things we should focus on instead of the fact that we are dismantling all of your safeguards and stockpiling money and resources in to the hands of fewer people than you need two hands to count...But look over here! Trans woman! Boo!

Hundreds of anti-trans bills have been put up and passed in conservative states. More are waiting in the wings. And a lot of liberals aren't fighting against them. It's so much like the anti-gay bills and anti-marriage equity fight that it puzzles me when people can't recognize the rhetoric and automatically reject it. Or when people can't recognize the rhetoric and know when they are finished coming after trans people the rest of the alphabet family is next. You think gay marriage is settled law? So was Roe v. Wade and for a lot more years than Obergefell. 

Once the uber conservatives start this slide going their way they aren't going to stop. It's all part and parcel of their plans. Roe, Obergefell, the Voting Rights Act, it's just going to keep going. 

The vote this November is important. I know every vote is important but this one is one more vote along the pathway to do we keep our republic or is our grand experiment over? If the slate of republicans out there that are election deniers and promising to reform the way voting works and who gets to decide the electoral votes are confirmed are elected the next time we face a challenge to our entire system, it won't hold firm. It will fall. It was awfully close to falling last time. 

And I get it, there are a lot of you out there that aren't worried about that. Because it won't make a difference for your life. It's not that important. I mean white, Christian, cis, straight, mostly male being in charge isn't that big of a deal, is it? It won't change your life. 

It will change mine. 

It will change my family's lives as well.

It will change my beloved friend's lives. 

We become targets (bigger targets) for hate and denial of rights. 

So yeah, it's personal. It's only political because politicians have made it so. And you've followed along with it. Letting politicians decide who gets medical care. What type of medical care people can have. Which consenting adults should have the right to get married. Which kids can play sports. What books our kids have access to. Who gets treated as a full citizen in our country and who doesn't. 

And this next part is super personal. Like deeply personal. Because it's one I hear all the time. "I vote republican because I'm pro life." And I've shared all of the stats about how gender affirming care for trans kids prevents suicide. I've shared how making sure that there are anti-discrimination laws on the books keeps LGBTQIA+ folks from getting fired or evicted. And you voting for a transphobic candidate endangers people. Higher rates of suicide, higher rates of poverty and houselessness and those also lead to death. And you say again...but I'm pro life.

No. No you aren't. 

And you can fuck right off with that. And keep fucking off until you think you can't fuck off any more. Then keep fucking right off until you reach the edge of our ever expanding universe and keep fucking right off even more. 

Fuck off. 

It's personal. 

You better fucking believe it. 

Happy New Year!

It's almost Halloween. Which is almost Thanksgiving. Which is almost Christmas. Which means the year is basically over. 

Okay, maybe not. Maybe there are still two and a half months left in 2022 but I'm having a hard time not moving on to 2023. 

This is the time of year that I am usually working on wrapping up the goals I set for myself and just starting to think about the next year and what I want to do. Fall is always a big goal setting time for me. So many years in school that Fall feels like a start of a year instead of the end of another. 

But this year it's a little different in feel. I don't have any real goals to wrap up. My reading goal was low so that won't be an issue. I didn't set a writing goal past the month of January so that's done. I've pretty much stabilized out my weight within a 5 pound range that part of me thinks should be 5 pounds lower but we know that the path to madness lies in 5 pound increments. The house is what the house is. Slowly getting things done but still progressing. 

And I'd just like to skip the election cycle. 

I know that's a part of it. Oregon has a real chance of ending up being a republican or mixed governed state for the first time in a VERY long time. With all of the worry about the current state of US politics I've been using the "at least I live in Oregon" mantra as my soothing balm. If that falls I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe look at moving to Canada?

And the national elections are just more worry. I just do not understand how anyone votes republican right now. I mean that. It's not a difference in economics, it's not a difference in the size of government, it's not a discussion that can be held about high level things. It's a basic the head of the party is Trump. A majority of the people running for election are still saying the last election was stolen. There is a movement in that party to make sure that if a situation like Trump happened again that the election could be decided by them, not by the votes. I know people in that party roll their eyes at the suggestion but it really is a difference in do you believe in democracy and our republic or don't you? 

For me and my family, of course, the social issues are also important. The fact that all across the country books are being pulled from libraries. Teachers are being told they cannot discuss "gay issues." Words like groomer are being tossed around pretty recklessly. There is a push to make being trans illegal. Or at least seeking the medical help you need if you are trans. There is a push to get rid of marriage equality. There is a push to force everyone back in the closet. I cannot understand how anyone who claims to love me and mine votes republican. 

Not right now. 

So yeah, I'd like to fast forward to the new year. I'd like to live in my dream world where everyone realizes that right now what we need to do is purge the republican party of white christian nationalists and make what they are trying to do a losing proposition. We need to save the country's foundation. Then we can go back to arguing over tax percentages. Then you can go back to calling me a socialist for believing in the safety net and that in one of the richest countries in the world we shouldn't have a houseless problem or kids who don't get enough to eat. Fine, whatever, great. But first we need to get away from people who believe the only fair election is one they win. People who want to see my child dead. People who want me to live by rules in a book I don't believe in. Rules that they themselves pick and choose which ones to follow and which ones to pretend aren't there. 

So join me in saying Happy New Year! 2023! Woo!!!

Or just putting our heads down and pushing forward as best as we can. 

Whichever works for you.