Year in Review...

So the first blog of the year was a list of the goals I wanted to accomplish this year, figured a recap of how I did would be a good end cap blog.

I had a handful of them, and I did okay on some, most really, just one big miss.

Picture of the Day! I went back to doing Picture of the Day. Taking pictures and interacting with people about them makes me happy so this was a fun one for me to take back on. Or at least it should have been. Facebook didn't do me any favors with this one. With their new algorithms only a small percentage of what you post is seen by your friends and for me that meant that most of my pictures nobody saw. So half of the enjoyment of them was gone. I did it for 6 months and then realized without the play together aspect of it a daily picture wasn't all that fun. It really was a two step process for me. First to decide what I wanted to take a shot of, I still was using the Fat Mum Slim prompts, and second to talk to other people about them. Without that second part it was kind of dull so I stopped.

Cooking! I wanted to do 3 meals a week. And until Brent's schedule changed I was actually ahead of the curve on this one. Usually 4 and some weeks even 5. But once he started traveling it got to be kind of a hassle. I need to figure out what to do about this one in the new year. Not sure if I will keep up with Blue Apron or just start to branch out on my own. Though I have to say that they have been really fun to use. We have tried a lot of new things that we never would have otherwise, and just having the food delivered and in the fridge took the "maybe I will skip it" out of the equation.

Books! I wanted to read 85 books this year. I read 87. This one was a stretch and if it weren't for a few smaller books I might not have made it. But that's because I also read a few 1000 page books. It's hard to get those numbers up if you are reading really long books. But I pulled it off. Thanks to short books.

Blogs! I wanted to write 180. Today marks 185. I talked about reaching this goal once before so I won't bore you with the back pat again.

Weight/fitness! I wanted to lose 10 pounds. As of today I weigh...exactly the same that I weighed on January 1st. No shit. Exactly the same. I basically lost and gained the same 4 pounds all year. Once I got as low as 5 pounds but that was after being sick so it really shouldn't count. There is a caveat to this one. I am in better shape than I have been in a really long time, possibly ever as far as pure muscle goes. I have biceps. This is a good thing. However, I am still heavier than I would like to be, and more importantly than my doctor would like me to be. It's been frustrating to say the least. I've tweaked my nutrition, I've added and subtracted workouts, I've tracked, not tracked, obsessed and ignored and I am still right where I started. Though the fat to muscle ratio is better.

So over all it wasn't a bad year for goal reaching. I set some smaller ones through the year that helped keep me moving along. Not awful. Not perfect, but life is never perfect so that's just fine.


So what about 2016? I don't really know. I have one in mind for writing but I haven't committed to it yet. I've only mentioned it to one person, they were all for it, but I haven't yet made it public so I haven't yet locked myself in. I will mull it over this weekend and decide by Monday. Fitness/Weight is a do over. I really do want to lose those 10 pounds but I don't want to lose my muscles so I need to work on food/workout combos for that. Books to read? I don't think I am going to set a real tough number this year. Maybe 52. One a week. That gives me the leeway to read the monster length books on my list without feeling like I am going to let the end of year me down somehow.

The biggest goal for 2016, I think, is going to be making it through with my sanity and belief in the goodness of people in tact. The past year has rattled my faith in mankind more than once and I am truly worried that the upcoming political season is going to send me scurrying under a rock.

So there you go, 2015 done and in the books.

Happy New Year! I hope the year brings you joy and challenges and accomplishments and surprises and love and happiness. Always happiness.

Darkness...

I've always taken comfort in the first day of winter.

We mark it as the beginning but it's really the end.

The cold might still be coming.

The snow might still be on its way.

But the darkness is already lifting.

We mark it. 

We notice it.

But we've already made it through the worst of it.

The first day of winter really means that spring is on its way.

Sunsets will come later.

Time will lengthen back out.

The darkness will fade.

I've always taken comfort in the first day of winter.

Waves the White Flag...

Okay, I give up.

I've waited and I've waited.

I've tried to help it along a little.

I've faked it.

I've ignored it thinking it would come on its own.

And now I just give up. It's not happening and I'm okay with that.

The Christmas Spirit is not visiting me this year.

It's just not here.

I don't know if it's the weather; we've had RAIN for 23 days in a row. Not our normal light rains but huge downpours. Flooding and muck and nastiness. The kind of rain that makes it unpleasant to go outside. So no urge to go see the Zoo Lights or go to the Grotto or even walk around downtown and look at decorations.

I don't know if it's because we traveled over Thanksgiving so we didn't have that holiday and then the Christmas kick off didn't happen. Normally we watch Christmas Vacation on Thanksgiving night and start decorating the house the day after Thanksgiving. We didn't come home until Sunday and then Brent and I both had colds so we were kind of low key, then we were doing something else, then finally it was two weeks before Christmas and I forced myself to decorate. But just a little. And only inside; see massive rain.

I finally convinced Brent that I am serious about not exchanging Christmas gifts and this year Christopher needed a laptop more than a random collection of things which means a bare tree. I decided last year that it was the last year for the Christmas Letter so I didn't do that. McDonald's didn't do their egg nog shake so we didn't do that. I didn't do extra baking this year. Brent has been traveling a lot and I have been struggling with my weight enough as it is. Didn't need to be alone with a dozen cookies in the house. So no extra Christmasy treats.

I'm not sure if it's all of those things or if it's the massive negativity that is happening right now. Our political discourse has turned into the ugliest of the ugly screaming at each other. Our Peace on Earth Goodwill Toward Man has turned in to turning away refugees and yelling for more boots on the ground and no fly zones. It's depressing. It's disappointing. It's not very heartwarming.

I'm not sure if it's because Christmas itself has become so polarizing. I cannot stand that whole War on Christmas nonsense. Never have been able to put up with it. It's manufactured outrage and it's stupid. It's just gotten worse and worse every year and now it's as much a marker of the season as Christmas Carols in October...

Tomorrow, as long as the weather co-operates, Christopher will come home and we will do our Christmas Eve traditions so maybe there will be a last minute appearance. But I'm not really counting on it. And I really will be fine with it. Maybe next year I will be feeling more festive. Maybe the break after what will surely be a horrible political season will be so filled with relief that it's over that I will be brimming with Ho Ho Hos. We will see.

For this year I'm okay with the fact that I will get a few days with my boys to hang out and eat good food and watch good movies and enjoy each other's company. No extra holiday spirit needed.


But you know, Merry Christmas to you, or whatever...

Safe Spaces...

I've written before about my frustration with Trigger Warnings and Safe Spaces and Being Easily Offended and claiming that your bigotry is justified by your religious beliefs and blaming the PC police when you are just being an asshole. It all makes me crazy. There is a real lack of intellectual honesty in the world today. Many people, maybe even most people, don't like their belief systems challenged to the point where they will find ways to avoid the discussion, claiming a need for a safe space, claiming that they aren't being offensive you are just being too PC. Whichever way it goes you are shutting down discussions that could possible challenge your way of thinking.

People my age and older look to college kids as the ones driving this movement. Oh these kids today...

Nonsense.

You know how I know it's nonsense?

Because you all do it too.

Look around. We've created a world that is just our safe space. We have news channels that only tell us what we already believe to be true. We have news websites that only report on stories we want to read. And not only that but make sure to spin the information in such a way that it caters to our already set beliefs. And we read them and nod along saying, "See? I was right." No you weren't necessarily right. You just found someone who agrees with you.

We don't look at issues deeper than what can be expressed in a meme or a tweet or a sliced and diced sound bite. We believe what we believe and we find people who agree with us so we can continue believing those things without challenge. We are all subsisting on pablum. Nobody is making us chew.

There is a thing on Facebook right now where you can search, "Show me my friends who like..." and then you can see what or who they are following. When it came out at first people were using it as a joke (poor Nickelback) then a few weeks ago it made the rounds as a way to find which of your friends like political figures you don't and then you could defriend them. What? You aren't defriending them because they post offensive things, you aren't defriending them because you just don't really like them anymore, you are going to defriend them because of who they might possibly vote for? Really? You know that's sort of insane right?

I mean, I get it, I cannot understand how anyone is seriously considering voting for Trump. But have you engaged with those people? Or did you just draw the line. You don't agree with me, you damage my safe little circle of same thought, so you must go. And there is a difference in these things.

I have levels. I have hidden people (used to be an option to "show me less") I have defriended and I have even blocked. I use the handy little button to the right on a post that you can click and say, "Never show me posts from this website" for things that I know are always going to make me grit my teeth and think badly about the person on my friend list who liked it and made it show up in my feed. And it's not just the ultra conservative sites I've blocked, I block the ultra liberal ones too. I have no patience and no tolerance for encouraging willful ignorance. And those sites that post sliced and diced quotes that really don't mean what you think they mean when you read the whole paragraph of text instead of just the 10 words they pulled out? Well, I have nothing for them.

I've also mostly hidden some IRL friends from my feed. People who I know I KNOW are decent human beings who have some really wacky beliefs. Things I would have never known if it weren't for Facebook and that damned public posts thing. When they comment on a friend of a friend's post with a rant against poor people, or liberals, or conservatives, or Obama, or guns, or whatever I just shake my head and wonder, "Do you know we can all see this? Not just the person here who you agree with but all of us because it was a public post so now it's in my feed too?" Because, and this is the sad or hopeful part depending on how you are looking at it, people aren't worse than they used to be, they just say things in public now that they would never have said in front of you before.

I'm a progressive. My friends know this. They know that I believe in social programs. They also know that I am fiscally conservative in that I believe we need to help people who need help but we need to figure out how to pay for that help before we pass that bill. Now my more well off friends don't like my way of paying for things. But that's not been a secret ever. HOWEVER...some of my co-workers and clients had no idea what my political beliefs were. I represented some very wealthy people at times who truly believed in tax breaks and shelters and keeping what was yours never mind you got an awful lot of help getting to where you are. I just kept my mouth shut. When the talk turned to politics if it was a client situation I just stayed quiet. It was appropriate to the situation. Now that I'm retired and some of my clients and co-workers are on my friend list we are discovering that we don't really agree on a lot of things in that area. And that's still fine.

Though sometimes it's shocking.

And sometimes it actually makes me sad.

And I'm sure I frustrate the hell out of them as well.

But as long as it isn't hateful? Well then it's fine. Hateful is where you get the defriend.

Because as much as I rail against them I have a safe space I've created as well.

My safe space includes people who are able to have a discussion about what they believe in without using derogatory terms to describe people who disagree with them. My safe space consists of a lot of context. Context is important. My safe space lacks talking points and sound bites. The world is complex. Issues rarely ever have simple answers. Tl;dr doesn't really work for my safe space. My safe space has people who are vastly different than each other in a lot of ways. My safe space doesn't have room for hatred or ignorance or cruelty. My safe space has room to learn, to change and to grow. My safe space is challenging. No pablum allowed. If you cannot defend your belief, you don't really believe it. That's my safe space.

Life!

I plan on living to be 100.  It's a stretch goal, I know, but that's my plan. I also am planning on Brent living to be 100 as well. My family history leans a little more toward me making it than him, but I've still decided that this is what is going to happen. One hundred seems like a good solid number of years. It's long enough to actually be impressive. Sixty is way too few. Seventy isn't much better. Eighty or 90 are a little better but still not quite enough. One hundred is good.

My grandmother's twin sister did this. She decided she would live to be 100. And she did. Plus a few years. She actually lived on her own until she was 100 as well. She spent the last 3 (I want to say it was 3) years of her life in a retirement home more than a little ticked off because she was now ready to go, but still. It's pretty impressive.

My great grandmother also decided when she would die. It was after my great grandfather died. She wrapped things up. Called all of her kids to say goodbye and went to bed and didn't wake up. No assistance, no pills, no outside influences, just her deciding she was done. She didn't want to live without him and so she wouldn't. When Dad died I think we all worried Mom was going to do the same thing. But she didn't. She decided to keep on living. But it wasn't out of the realm of possibility for any of us to believe that if Mom decided to die she would. We are a strong willed bunch, the women of my family.

But even though my plan is to live to be 100 I also am not afraid to die. Just not. It's going to happen. It happens to all of us eventually. And I'm just not afraid of it. And that, I think, colors my world view as much as anything else does.

Watching the news and talking with friends and acquaintances and reading online comments (though I'm done with that again for awhile, too horrible right now) the biggest motivator in the world seems to be fear. There is fear of refugees, of terrorists, of mass shooters homegrown, fear of being armed and not being armed...all of it basically a fear of death. I don't want to die so I am going to project this big giant fear on all of those things. I don't have that fear. Do I want to be shot by some crazy person with a vendetta? Absolutely not. But am I afraid of it? Not really. The odds of it happening are very small. I know people don't seem to believe that, but it's true. Terrorist attack, either domestic or foreign, isn't the way you are most likely going to die.

For most of us it's choices we make for ourselves that are going to take us out. Eating poorly, drinking too much, not exercising, driving drunk, texting while driving. These are the things that are more likely to kill us. I made a Facebook post about that awhile back and was met with push back. Even though statistically we all know what I am saying is true, people aren't afraid of those things. They should be, if they really are afraid of dying, but they feel like because those things are in their control somehow that makes them less scary. To me, because those things are in my control, I try to mitigate their damage. I work out, I don't drink and drive, I don't use my phone while I'm on the road, I swear I will eat better just as soon as I finish this brownie...

But that's just because I know, due to family and health history, the things that are most likely to kill me are heart disease and cancer. Those are the big looming death possibilities on my horizon. That and dementia. That's the real terrorist for me. Which I've talked about before, if I have warning that I'm fading, I will take care of that before I end up a shell with no "me" left. Because I'm not afraid of dying. I'd just rather not until I'm 100.

Here is the life lesson in this whole thing. Don't be so afraid that something bad is looming out there that you become scared to smile at strangers. That you stop helping those that need our help. That you start believing those that want to make you fearful. Ask yourself why they want you scared. Is it really to protect you or is it to benefit themselves? Ask yourself why in the world you would want to be scared all of the time. You want to fight terrorism? Don't give in to the terror.

Fear makes you stop listening to logic.

Fear makes you do things that you regret later.

Fear can be used to manipulate you.

Don't be so afraid.

We are all going to die. It's inevitable. Don't be so afraid of it that you forget to live.

Momentous!

Or at least that's sort of what this feels like it should be. Which is why I'm just cranking something out really quickly so I can move past it and finish the year with some stronger pieces.

Yes, this is blog #180 for the year. I reached my goal. Whew...

Now to be perfectly fair it was posting the old Practical Magic stuff that I had written already but never shared that helped push it over the edge. That and NaNo and the volumes of random fiction I wrote for that to keep me from going insane because I couldn't figure out how to end PM. But still, it was done and posted and read and totally counts.

And now I'm at 180 and everything else is gravy. Or frosting. Since it's the holiday season either one will work.

But once I hit 179 I thought I should write something super cool to mark 180 and reaching that goal. Then I thought it was early enough in the month that I could totally do 200 for the year if I got cranking. Which then made me start making excuses why I wouldn't be able to do that, which was ridiculous really, I mean I was pre-excusing not making a stretch goal that only I knew about! Crazy...

So my blog sat empty.

I also have been going back and forth on fiction and non-fiction. The world is in such a state right now. The ugliness that we are all witnessing day in and day out from people. Not just the terrorists. Not just the wack jobs. Not just the extremists. But the people we have known for years and had no idea were extremist wack jobs. It's a little disheartening. And I'm being torn on that front which will probably lend itself to a blog soon...

But did I really want a "woe is us" blog to be 180? Nah...

I have two different fiction pieces sort of forming up in my head right now. But they will be small trifles. So did I really want a trifle of a fiction piece to be 180? Nah...

Then I could have used it to wrap up goals for the year. I am one book away from my reading goal so I could have just waited another day or so to finish that and come in with my semi-triumphant year in review post! But did I want to wait another day or so to write? Nah...

So instead you get this.

A not really very important but it totally counts and gets us past the GOAL NUMBER blog, blog.

Sometimes that's all you can do. Just put your head down, muscle through, get past that barrier, move along.

And now we are there.

Whew...

Well aren't you pretty?

Have you seen it? The latest do this thing and tag someone post on Facebook?

It's that time once again!
Upload 5 photos of yourself that you feel pretty In! Then nominate 15 people to do the same! Build yourself up!!! Not down. * let's take it a step further and say why each photo makes you feel beautiful* Let's see all that beauty!

I saw it the first time a couple of days ago. Then again. And again. And then today I was tagged in one. So then I had to decide if I played along or not. Often I don't. Sometimes I do. Depends on my mood. And I always seem to change the "rules" to fit me a little better. Kind of my way in life.

So anyway...I decided to play along with this one. Ish. And part of the reason why was because one that I saw yesterday stuck with me. A friend was tagged as one of the 15, but her friend didn't just tag people, she posted why she tagged them. I thought that was pretty cool. So, sure, I will play along. But I'm totally going Frank Sinatra with it...

All right, picture #1. I think this is the first time I can remember actually feeling pretty. I loved this dress. I loved the fact that I had my hair done in a salon and sat under a dryer and everything. And I am looking at my sister on her wedding day hoping I would grow up to look like her. Because the blonde hair and green eyes would come eventually right?

Picture #2. My own wedding day. Hair done. Makeup done. A dress I loved. My grandmother's crystals. The skinniest I have ever been. Never mind that I was deathly ill and about to fall over...I felt pretty. I went back and forth between this shot of the day and one I post as a profile picture a lot where Brent and I are whispering to each other. I went with this one but it was a close call. I felt pretty all day that day. Except the vomiting parts...but even then I was a pretty puker. 

#3 I love this picture. I love the way the light caught the red in my hair and in C's. I love the cuddles. I think I look really serene and motherly in this one. But what I really love about it is that I was sitting there with C watching TV and Brent said, "Hold still" then he grabbed the camera and took a couple of pictures. (before the days of cell phone cameras, kids) and he said, "You just look so pretty I wanted a picture." I hadn't really felt pretty in a long time. Moms understand me. So it stuck with me. I'm still pretty.

#4 Odd right? But I do feel pretty in the picture. I took it for a POD shot. It was something I held that day. I held my tongue instead of getting shitty with someone. But I love the way this came out. It's dorky, it's goofy, it was a joke, it's me. It makes me feel pretty. I'm an odd duck, I know.

#5 Most recent of the shots. I took this one the day before my birthday. Screwing around in the car before we took off to run errands. I was in a stretch where I didn't have my glasses and if I took pictures it was hit or miss if they came out. This one did. As the kids say today #nofilters This is just me, happy with life, looking forward to 47, screwing around with my camera. 

So then we come to the nominate 15 people for this as well. And what do I do? I have a lot of friends. How do you narrow it down to 15 to post shots? Do you pick the ones you think need it the most? The reminder? Do you pick the ones you think are most likely to play along? Do you pick the ones that you are curious which shots they will pick? Which ones make them feel the prettiest?

Because I have to tell you, I have a lot of really pretty friends. And in so many different ways. Blondes that make you crave honey when you see their shining locks. Brunettes with every shade of brown and gold woven in to their hair. Redheads from deep auburn to strawberry blonde. Curls, straight, twists, dreads. Short, long, and right now two who are bald. One by choice, one by necessity. And I have to say, they wear it well. 

Green eyed ladies of mystery. Blue eyes you could dive in to and never want to come up. Brown eyes that catch the light and go from chocolate to amber and back again. Oh my goodness...almond shaped, round as a doll, wide eyed, half closed with thought...oh those eyes!

Shades of skin. So pale you think they are made of porcelain. Rich dark ebony that makes you think of velvet. And every shade in between. White, brown, golden toned, olive skin, deepest black. Don't even get me started on the variety of freckles and how much I love freckles! And dimples! I have chins, cheeks, one cheek, and even double dimples!

And that's before the make up. I have friends who have mastered the art of the eyebrow. The bold red of a lip. The eye shadow or blush that takes them from beautiful to spectacular. And I have the friends who wouldn't know what to do with a pot of lip stain if you paid them. The natural beauty is their walk. And again, every thing in between. Burts Bees tinted balm all the way to the latest Dior lip look. They are all here. 

Body types? What do you want to see? Figures so lush you think bad thoughts just because they walk near you. Slender frames that move like willows in the wind? Curves? Muscles? Angles? Cheek bones for days? A booty that bangs? Pocket sized petites. Amazonian heights. I've got them all on my list. 

And then you have the intangibles. The things that make them beautiful instead of just pretty. The confidence that radiates. The timidness that attracts. Intelligence. Humor. Sheer unadulterated badassness. Quiet questing for answers. I have them all. All beautiful in their space. And I can see in pictures of them. The wistful portrait of a seeker. The full on stare of ruler. The women who are changing the world through their work, their religion, their children, their humor, their love, their presence. They are all here. Which do you want to see?

So when it came time to tag the 15 I was stuck. So I didn't. I did this instead. You are all beautiful. If you want to post your 5 pictures that you feel pretty in I will look at them. I will agree with you. I will love to hear why you feel pretty in them. But know this, I am in awe of you all the time. You are beautiful. 

And a bonus #6. Me, today, thinking about you. 

Three Days...

I went three days without thinking of you.

Three days.

The song came on the radio and I thought of you.

And I realized it had been three days.

It was the milk. Another quart of spoiled milk. Nobody is there to drink it anymore and yet somehow I keep buying it. I get home from the store and unload the groceries and there it is. Another quart of milk.

I remember the first time you found out I didn't have milk. "Everyone has milk!" I don't. I don't drink milk, I told you. Why would I have milk? "For cooking at least!" I don't cook. I showed you my fridge. Leftover take out. Cream for my coffee. A few beers. A few sodas. That was it. No milk.

But you changed that. You had to have milk. So when I bought my coffee, my cream, my beer and my soda I bought your milk. And somehow even though I don't need it, I keep buying it.

And then I throw it away when it goes bad.

Three days.

It seemed longer. When the song started. I thought it must have been longer.

But the milk. I remembered the milk.

Three days. Not too shabby though.

Soon I will probably make it a whole week.

Then I cried.

I had gone three days.

NaNo 2015....

All right, we are done again. Whew.

I sort of reached a conclusion to the story with Practical Magic. I say sort of because I'm not really happy with it. In fact I think it's mostly crap. But it's something and that will be good enough for now. I might just give you all a sort of Executive Summary or Book Report finish so you at least know what happened with everyone, but I don't know when or if I will ever actually finish the story itself. Maybe someday huge inspiration will hit me and I will know exactly the right way to finish their story. I just know for now this will do even if this isn't really it.

When I did NaNo in 2013 it was expressly to see if I could write that much in a month and to try to get Practical Magic out as a novel. It was a grand plan and I did it. But then this time after I finished NaNo 2015 I wondered what the hell was wrong with me, why was it so much like a forced march this time? It couldn't have been like that in 2013 right? So I went back and read the handful of blogs I did around NaNo in 2013 and I reached all of these wonderful conclusions about my writing that I promptly forgot for 2015. And it was a forced march then as well, I just blocked that part out.

First off, I don't like writing long form stories. A novella is maybe the furthest I am willing to go and even that might be stretching it. Writing stops being fun for me much past a short story and as I only write because it's fun it seems pretty dumb to fight that.

Second, I am a pantser. I will always be a pantser. I am pretty sure that being a pantser is the biggest reason why I prefer short stories. I don't want to think about where a story is going to go. Where it needs to end up. Whose lives need tidied up. I want to be as surprised as you all are by what comes out of my head. Sure, sometimes that does mean that I have an ending in place that I am writing to (yesterday's short story, for instance, started with the image of her wrapping up the gift and I had to figure out how she got there) or a line of dialog that I want to work a story around. But it doesn't mean that I have a beginning, a middle and an end all lined up with characters and situations blocked out. Trust me, I've tried that, but the voices in my head are an unruly bunch and will pout if I try to tell them what to say.

Third I write fast and I write sloppy. I might change the sloppy part in 2016. I'm thinking about a new sort of challenge and it will require a little more tidying up. But I write and I post here and I get feedback or I don't and I move on. Sometimes so quickly that when I re-read a post from a few years ago I've forgotten I wrote the story. Hell, there was one that someone told me they really liked from last month and I couldn't remember it. LAST MONTH. As in a few weeks ago! I write fast. Sometimes less than an hour per story. And yes, I know, that doesn't make them polished or perfect or even grammatically sound half the time, but it's still fun for me.

And that is the biggest lesson I need to hold. I am in a remarkable position in life where I don't have to write to make a living. I don't have to do copy-writing. I don't have to do Executive Summaries. I don't have to craft marketing messages. I don't have to make money from the words. I can just do it because it's fun. And I hate losing the fun things in life. Which happens more often than you realize. When you start "shoulding" and "coulding" instead of "getting to" and "wanting to" the things that used to bring you joy fade away to gray.

So I proved to myself that I can do it. Twice. The first time all focused on one story. The second time finding a finish for that one and allowing myself small fiction treats. I also discovered the second time around that I can force myself to write when I am in a lousy space creatively. Which might help my lazy writer tendencies. But it might not. Because just because I know I can do it, doesn't mean I have to do it.

Writing is fun for me.

I hope reading what I write is fun for you.

I am going to protect that a little more and keep it that way.