My "On This Day" feed today was a longish post about falling out of love with the 49ers. By seeing it, and others from years around this day. I can see myself trying to talk me out of it. Trying to hold on to my love for that team. For those of you that don't know I was a massive fan of the San Francisco 49ers. I had been since I was a teenager. Brent was also a fan. It was the only team we had in common when we started dating. It was the team we raised Christopher to like. This was OUR team.
But that wasn't enough to keep me loving the team when the owners made what I considered to be horrible decisions. They gave good talks about only hiring "quality guys" about that mattering to them, and then continued to hire guys with domestic abuse issues. And to make excuses for that. Then they treated their coaching staff with complete disrespect. Then the move to the newly designed and incredibly expensive new stadium that left people sitting staring into the sun with no shade and a field that was so bad that people were getting injured from turf divots. The most important part of a stadium is the playing surface. How do you get that wrong? I just couldn't take it anymore.
And then once I stopped watching them the rest of the NFL soon followed. I just don't watch much anymore. To the point where we haven't fully committed to watching the Super Bowl this Sunday. We probably will, I would guess, but more for a communal experience with others than for any care about the game.
But this isn't really a blog about football teams or football in general it's a blog about leaving when you know you should.
Like I said, there were literally years of me posting about walking away and I stayed watching. To the point where I was hanging on to something that I wasn't really enjoying anymore. I know I've been joking about the spark joy thing with the KonMari method, but there really is something to that on a bigger level than just things you own.
Don't do things that you don't like to do.
Okay, I know, there are a ton of things we have to do that aren't really joyful. Cleaning, cooking, going to work. But those things bring you something you really do enjoy, a pleasant living space, not starving, the money to do the things you want to do. So they are functional things. And you keep doing those because of what they bring you. But if you can afford not to do those things? Stop it. Hate cleaning but can afford a cleaning person? Hire a cleaning person. Hate cooking but can afford to eat out or have food prepared for you in house? Do that. Have enough money not to work? Retire.
Do the have tos until you don't have to anymore. Then stop.
And don't do things you don't get joy out of "for fun." I know that seems really basic and we should all know that but sometimes we don't. Usually because of habit. We have always done this thing, so we keep doing it. Even though if we stopped and thought about it we don't enjoy it anymore. This happens in families all the time. Traditions are followed because they are tradition. And we convince ourselves that other people enjoy it so much we can't stop. Then a discussion happens and you find out you have been making a dish, or going to an event, or whatever for YEARS that nobody really liked, but everybody kept doing it because they thought they were sucking it up for the joy of others.
Take stock in your life on what you do that you do by habit. And then see if that still serves you. Do you enjoy your time? Do you feel like you are missing out on something else that might be better because you are doing things that don't really serve you anymore.
It's okay to be selfish and do the things that you enjoy.
And don't get me wrong, that can be doing things that you might not like that much because other people you do care for like them and that is where you get your joy. (Sorry, Brent, you aren't getting out of going to musicals) But make sure that they really do like those things and aren't doing them just for your sake. Brent and I were at a concert last year and right before the show started he said, "I was surprised you picked this show, I didn't think you really like the group" and I was really confused because I had picked the show because he really liked the group. And he was like, "They are fine but I didn't really need to see them live." He thought I had wanted to go, I thought he had wanted to go. Now it ended up being a fine show, but we would have skipped it if we had been clearer in our intentions around it.
Don't keep doing things that you don't enjoy if you can help it.
Only do the things that are a drag until you can afford not to do them.
Make sure your life is serving you.
Do what you can to enjoy your time.
Whatever your reasons are for doing something, make sure they are good ones.
They bring you joy.
They bring the people important to you joy.
They provide you with the things you need.
They are moving you along the path you want to go.
They serve your purpose.
Go spark some more joy in your life. You are worth it.
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