John McCain has decided to stop treatment for his brain cancer. He's lived longer than the doctors originally said he would have. He's lived a very full life. He's lived a life of service to his country. He's a true patriot. A true American hero. And he makes me furious at times.
People are complicated.
When he ran against George W. Bush for the Republican nomination in 2000 I was a fan. He spoke about things that are important to me, campaign finance reform for instance. He also gave push back on tax cuts that were too beneficial for the wealthy. He favored tax plans that would support the social safety net and not just the most wealthy. The Bush campaign was afraid of him which was clearly evident in how hard and how nastily the came for him. Trump wasn't the first to impugn his service, he was just the most unapologetic. Bush at least has the "good graces" to pretend the worst of the attacks didn't come from him.
But he also showed during that campaign what I feel are the worst of his traits. He had a strong stance on the removal of Confederate flags and monuments but when it was pointed out that racists vote too he walked it back. He made a show of how he walked it back, but he still walked it back. Political expediency over true belief.
And then, of course, when he ran against Obama he brought us Palin and I cannot forgive that. She was the door opener for Trump, after all. He says now he regrets the choice and wishes he had gone with his first choice, Joe Lieberman, but he went with young, super conservative, flashy and female to make a show of his campaign. Again, political expediency over true belief.
He would do it to me time and time again. And yes, I say me. I say me because I liked him. I respected him. I wanted him to be all that he would say he was. And then he would back away and it would feel like betrayal. I want there to be conservatives out there that are like John McCain wanted to be on his better days. I want there to be voices on the left and on the right that are not afraid of saying the true thing, the moral thing, the right thing without first considering polls and donations.
It always hurts more when the people you expect more from disappoint you.
John McCain disappointed me a lot.
And yet...
I respect the man.
I respect his service to the country. He gave his whole life to us. I know it's often in vogue to bash people who have always worked for the government and never in the private sector but I think that's bullshit. I think there are some very fine career politicians who have always believed in serving the public over themselves. He served in the military and was captured and held for years. He could have come home and retreated in to his own world and nobody would have thought worse of him for it. In fact it would have been understandable. But he didn't. He kept serving.
His last few years have been a series of frustrations for me as well. Yes, he gave the down vote to stop one of Trump's tries at dismantling health care, but he also gave the yes vote to even get it on the floor. He voted with Trump more than he didn't. He lectured the Senate about needing to work together and not be so partisan but took part in the obstructionist Congress under Obama. Political expediency.
So my feelings about what he has done politically are complicated. I like a lot of what he said. I didn't like a lot of what he did. I wish he had had the fortitude to follow through with his higher ideals. I understand that if he had he wouldn't have had the long career he had. I also believe that he struggled. He tried to be better. He seemed to know his own weaknesses and try to improve. He seemed self aware.
And he sees through Trump. Which counts for a lot in today's day and age.
I have nothing but compassion for him and for his family as they face these final days. I wish him as painless of a passing as he can have. I hope for peace and healing for them.
But his legacy for me will always be complicated.
People are complicated.
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