Sunday, February 9, 2014

Thems the breaks...

We really need to work on transporter technology. I have errands I need to do and I'm stuck in the house. Have been for days. It would be so much easier if I could just get in a little personal sized transporter, beam out to where I need to go, and beam back. Of course during the winter it might be a little crowded. You would have to wait for your specific window to go just to ensure you didn't end up mixed in someone else. But I think it would be super useful.

That's what I was thinking yesterday when I got the text "I'm in the hospital...." C fell on the ice (stupid winter) and broke his ankle. It's sort of amazing to me that some of the phrases we use without thinking about them actually happen. "I'm just sick" really happens. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, the blood left my face.  And I wanted to be there. Right then. That transporter technology suddenly seemed like less of a pipe dream and more of a NEED THIS. I texted back and forth with him, not a lot of details, he fell, sure it was broken, at the ER, was alone (!) but people knew he was there and would come get him when he was ready to go home...Then the big bomb; surgery sooner rather than later. As soon as the swelling goes down. Probably 7-10 days. I asked if they had a good estimate because I need to make a plane reservation. Started thinking, well, 7-10 days so fly out Saturday on the red-eye assume he will probably have surgery Sunday or Monday, stay until Wednesday and...

And he told me no.

Wait, what? There is no "no" here. There is only I will be there. So then Brent put it in perspective, what would I have said to my mom at 21 about coming out for a broken ankle? I told him that wasn't the point. But it is. Completely. C is a grown up. He's a really good grown up as well. Funny, bright, considerate, all of the things you hope for as a parent. And independent. Which is a great personality trait. Until he gets independent from me right when I feel the strongest need to go right back to being MOM.

I'm not going to lie; there is a big part of me that wants to ignore him and go anyway. But that's not fair to him. He wants to handle this on his own, not have me come in. And really what would I do? Sit and wait while he had surgery, which is more for me than him, make him come back to the hotel with me for a day at least instead of going back to his apartment, which again, more for me than him. It might make it easier for him to have me there to do everything I can for him, but that's not really my job as a parent. To make things easy. It never has been. My job was to give him the skills to take care of things. And to remind him that one of the ways to take care of things is to ask for help when you need it. And to trust that if he decides he really does need me there he will ask. And to hide the credit card so I don't buy a ticket anyway...

So anyway, I am now looking at our trip to Hawaii again. Which I have to tell you I am less excited for than I was. Hard to set aside the worry. No matter how many times C says "Don't worry." But I'm sure once we are there and in the sun and busy and checking in daily with C I will be fine.

We leave tomorrow, the weather is supposed to break so hopefully the trip to the airport and the flight will happen as scheduled and the house/cat sitters will be here with no issues. Everyone will get where they need to get. But wouldn't it all be so much easier if we just had a transporter to use?

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